Uuupdatess

I've been back for a month now and somehow Alhamdulillah it seems like time passes so fast, this time around. I thought i might start blogging about how bored i am the first few days, but hey i didn't =) which is a good sign that this summer Insyallah is going to be a great one..

Before balik Brunei, i stayed a week in London - just had to get away from No 12 and chill before becoming a specially-imported Amah for the whole summer :p. Went to Thorpe Park and got on more scary rides than i've imagined i would, finally had hummingbird's cupcakes and a peach whoopies from Harrods =) i even got lost, trying to get to piccadily circus from bond street..i somehow have this silly belief that buses going through bond street would eventually end up at piccadily, so i just hopped on this bus without asking coz i was alrdy late, nda tau2 yg that bus ke Russel square hehehe..panic me so i stopped dakat British museum..nda lagi tau how to get back tu so i kept on walking n walking til i sampai ke camden town punya tube..haaaaa i was nearly an hour late because of that detour..heheheh cali, baik jua orang yg menunggu ani penyabar..and oh finally went to Japan centre =D i'm so going to go there again, now that i know..

did some touristy stuffs too --- went to the V&A museum di South Kensington, walk through Regent park & visited the National gallery and oh i finally get to see the peter pan statue di Hyde Park :D now i know..

That one week in London was awesome =D i have no regrets except i should have brought more books for me to readdddd...i want to conquer works written by Russian writers :p i haven't read any Russian or African writers yet, my reading list is sadly limited to the recommended mainstream Classics, i have yet to read Catch 22 and 1984..*sigh* i don't think there's enough time in this world to read everythingggg..maybe people should stop writing books :p

Now back home with the family-- hmm been busy making biscuits like insane for the past 2 weeks, and i just finished my 2 weeks attachment jua last satday..i was at PTEM =) Observing the whole English department :) i learnt a lot from my experience and somehow it made me realize that maybe, just maybe being a teacher is my niche? though i would like to believe its writing or journalism or something to do with travelling..my mum is here btw, she's back for the winter break and she's going back to Oz late july..oh well...

Anyways, i'm thinking Seville-Granada, Spain this xmas break or maybe Easter? anyone mau ikuttt?

oh yea world cup :) i'm so proud of the Asian teams-- they did pretty well and made a lot of firsts, so hats off to them =) i am not siding with any teams, but it seems like Germany and Netherlands might be fighting it out in the finals? maybe?

Atiqah

Before balik (Part 1)

The last few days before berangkat ke London bravisnya busy - lots of dates :P sedih lah esp. to those yg graduating this year or even, students MA yg i got close too..I still can't believe a year is gone already and that i'm actually just a few days away, from boarding the plane back to Brunei.

Rewind balik ahh --

Hmm on the 23rd, went to the Falmouth golf club with durang Nadia and Robert..dari masa atu dah ada ingin kan golfing, ani bru tah kesampaian. Falmouth golf club is located near my fav. beach in Falmouth - Swanpool :D which is quite far from town so we took a taxi there--- We didn't do like golf banar2 lah, driving saja and we end up staying for about 2 hours, nda branti memukul golf balls saja hahahaha bangkak tarus tangan and sakit my back aftr that..tapinya SIOKKKK and the view is absolutely breathtaking, baik jua the weather hot and sunny, kalau nda, it would be a terrible golfing session..

Robert corrected my grip and help me with my swings -- banar2 mcm coach bah ia ah, and oh we used his golf clubs - taylor-made yoo..mahal kali ah, i mean for a beginner, its kinda silly to purchase expensive clubs..i think so plang, ur most welcome to disagree.

Anyways was suppose to meet up with the girls for the last time at Swanpool for serious 'beach-ing' session :) so made our way back on foot..then kami kelaparan so we makan at this amazing seafood restaurant which overlooks the beach :D lawaaaaa the view..arghhhh i will seriously miss the view..

The girls came- rob left - spent 2 hour at the beach, makan Cornish ice-cream :D NYAMAN--- Lapas tu, ran back to town to jumpa Adarsh, i was 30-mins late due to the blister i got from walking too much..baik jua ia ani penyabar, i felt bad though making him wait for so long..yg paling menyasakkan my phone died arghhhh people been telling me to get rid of it and get a new one-- where got money??? and besides, i like it-- i just need to remember to recharge it.. talk about so many things with Adarsh at Spoons -- we even talked about my fav. 'ism' in the world = POST-COLONIALISM :)

It was hard to say goodbye lah..hopefully we will get to see one another lagi..this goes out to all the wonderful people i met in Uni --

Balik rumah at 9ish-- tarus kana tagur oleh my housemates coz i haven't finish packing, cleaning my food items, cleaning my room, drying my clothes arghhhhh hahahaha so like i spent from then on til 2 am just doing all that.. my train to London left like at 9 plus the next morning, i was sooo tired..

Nadia also ke London that morning coz we planning to hang out with Clarisse and her bf before ia balik ke Singapore--

eh sambung next one lah--

Exams and the drama that comes with it

Its 6.11 pm and i'm sitting here - updating my blog in someone else's house :p

my last exam was on last thursday - the paper that we dreaded the most because instead of one essay in 2 hours, we have to write 2 essays for this one particular paper which if its badly enough is the Romanticism paper..but Alhamdulillah, whatever i studied for..came out and was over the moon about it,tapinya kata orang..jgn terlalu confident krg lain jadinya..

Ada jua the fun bits about exam period ani -- esp. if you are with the craziest of people :) for the past 2 weeks of exam, me and my kengkawan blajar di library..kdg2 lama bravis, kdg2 kjap sja but kan its the effort and niat that counts what?..we even ordered chinese one time hahahahah laparz yooo..a day before our last exam, we went to this free concert thingy at the Daphne du Maurier literature festival in Fowey--

IT WAS AWESOMEEEE :D we get to see this amazing british folk singer, Seth Lakeman live and seriously, the night was one that i think i will remember for ages--- the music, the atmosphere, location and of course, the people im with make it a great night for me..

it is kinda sad that there will be no more revision sessions in the library next year..until we are writing our dissertation in our 2nd term coz we don't have any more exams for our 3rd year..

so yes, said plenty of goodbyes and 'hope you have a great summer' to a number of close friends that day and at night, had a surprise advanced bday thing for Felix --- i don't want to say it coz mcm capi2 but its funny really..Nadia & Clare baked a cake shaped like that of a male private part, complete with whipped cream to symbolise..ehem ehem hahaha omg, the look on his face was sooo cali..then malamnya, had my 2nd and somehow last night out with the girls..

i don't think if i should happy about this but smua orang mcm protective of me these days -- i like though that feeling of being taken care of but kdg2, i'm like 'hello, we are of the same age..'..can't deny though im pretty naive in lots of things -- like dating :p just to name a few, not that im considering it..

anywaaayyys baked a choc cheesecake with Jenny just now and atm, m waiting for the boys to be ready so we can go for dinner at 7..

and OH OH
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HJH HAZIRAH HM SALLEH :D yg ke 20+ hahahaha

Salam,

Atiqah

Models

It is my duty, ain't it? to promote this campus to other prospective International students..I mean, since i currently hold the position for being the Exeter Co-chair for the society and all.. the thing is that i made peace with the things that disappoint me about this campus-- i don't know if others ever will, they would have to eventually..

anyways, we had a photo shoot session for the International prospectus for the cornwall campus last wednesday :) it was tiring, but fun..i get to meet more internationals whom i haven't met before- well 3 of them anyways, the rest i've met before the session..we met up at 9 am arh main reception area on campus, so i had to run to the bus stop at 8.26..coz i stupidly woke up late, around 7.30..i didn't even have time for breakfast..

i felt so under dress that day haha just coz the other girl who's in the photo shoot til afternoon was wearing full-on makeup and body-fitting clothes..she's nice though and pretty friendly..we went around campus til 1-ish, then made our way into town and was treated to lunch and Roskilly's ice-cream..AMAZING :) people who haven't tried cornish ice-cream r missing out..so come and visit me here, will you? ;)

our last location was at Gylly beach :D the sun was out, hues of blues everywhere..ahhhh what a life, i wish i have a car here..so i can go to the beach whenever i feel like it..anyways we had to do this photo shoot of us playing in the water..it was freezinggg..

started at 9 am, finished at 3 pm..a whole day of revision gone, but hey, i had fun :) even though it was pretty tiring n longggg...

and oh oh i invited the girls from my course over for lunch yesterday..made them Nasi lemak though i so failed at making my rice fluffy.it was a tad dry and i felt really bad at making them eat it..hmm but my prawn sambal rules :) well..it rules according to me plang..maybe its not that good ehh? we had a really good time, just hanging out..forgetting for awhile that we have exams next week.. then Lucinda drove us all to campus for some hard core library session..i am so going to miss them over summer..esp. Addy from the 'hood, the catholic girl with a crazy sense of humour..hahaha

i'm all freaked out now about exams...please just let me get a 60 or a 64 at most..i kept on getting 58 for my exams, its not that impressive..i want a 60!!! Mudah2an tah ada rezki this time around..

JIA YOU!!!! to all yg having exams soon..we can do this!! 2 weeks til home :D

Salam

Brizzie

Night of My life- Damien Leith

Here we are,

Shooting stars,

Renting time in someone else's space

So unsure

Afraid to fall

I'm standing here

A little scared

But I don't care

'Cos this kind of moment, is only on loan and

I wanna remember the look in your eyes

When it's all over I want you to know that I was with you when I

Had the night of my life...(X2)

So don't let go

You never know

Maybe your whole life's about to change

So let's hold on

Until it's gone

Nothing's made to last forever

Who knows whether

This kind of moment is only on loan and

Sometimes you don't know until it passes you by

And when it's all over I want you to know that I was with you when I

Had the night of my life

Maybe this whole thing comes right down to faith,

And every choice that we think that we make

Has put us right here together

I feel like a 13 year old all over again =) writing down lyrics of my fav songs, arh my diary..then write little notes or doodles at the side. Well, i didn't intend to start doing that on my blog BUT somehow tadi when this song was playing on my playlist- it brought back some good memories of late 2006.

It was the finals of Australian Idol 2006 and i was in Brisbane with my little sister, visiting my mum who was graduating that year. Anyways, we are supposed to watch the finals of AI at my mum punya kawan punya apartment which she pinjamkan to one of their friends..we had beard papa's cream puffs and ordered pizza halal not far from the apartment..durang tinggal di city Brisbane itself, in the CBD area..it was quite a new experience for me =) the noise, the smell, the people and ohh hahaha of course the shops and oh yea i had my first Borders crush there..

this song reminds me of that night-- the city- and that 17 year old version of me..hmm =) i think i would like to put this song in the list of wedding songs =) HAHAHAH remember fellow Paradise Rose?!?! kitani discussing pasal wedding songs, after ordering from either Ideal or McD tu or Jollibee..soooo cali, i still have the list btw arh my multiply blog..

Pokoknya, this song is sweet =) sometimes in life, you found yourself in a perfect moment yg mcm surreal rasanya..and that moment could not be more sweeter, when you are with the right person..

ahhh sorry, i've been quite jiwang lately..its a bit annoying tbh..hehehe//

Bahh kan blajar ku- 10 more days til exams--- 30 days til Home Insyallah..

Salam

I want to crita about last Saturday..oh wait, last friday kali..hmm anyways one of the people i used to travel with last time was turning 21 that day- so fiancee nya invite kami2 lah utk 'surprise' dinner tapi tau jua ia akhir2..and they were the first to come and nobody got him any cake -- i'm still not 'rich' at the moment, so i can't afford to buy him a gift and come for the bday dinner.

So anyways, biasa lah ah dinner then bla bla bla..lapas atu, we went to wetherspoons for cheap drinks - durang lah ah, not me..i just ordered J20 =) 99p yo!! cheapest drink in the house, even if you ask for lemonade, its going to be more than 99p.. then we duduk2 lah at this table with 2 comfy sofas ( siapa yg pernah ke wetherspoons, tau tu how they look like) -- crita punya crita, suddenly kelurusan the bday boy, c James pindah duduk from the sofa that me & Samanta duduki..ada tia this thin, scruffy looking guy btanya 'can i join you guys?'..blum lagi orang ckp yes or no, duduk tia sblah ku..

Hahahah Ya Allah, berdebak2 jantungku bah..bukannya apa, it was obvious he was drunk and kami semua diam bah..the guys mcm nda kan ketawa.. he started asking me, felix n robert where we come from since we look Asian, then he suddenly look at me ( gila dakat lagi ia atu..eeee..) and said how he likes Asian girls.

I was like HELP!! arh the 4 boys yg duduk opposite our sofa..duiiii, lagi durang suka hahaha nampak bah durang kan ketawa atu..

that creepy guy introduced himself as Sam and you know what sambungnya that he likes Asian girls coz we give 'inspiration' --- yg paling teruk, he started asking me & Samanta whether we like his shoelaces-- then adakah ia angkat kakinya dpan our face, and tanya ' do you like my legs?'

ARGHHHHH hahahah at that point, i was like..okay, guys its not funny anymore, lets just go-- baik jua the guys finally get our SOS signals..

Fikir tah the guys ani will wait for us..tapinya asta, durang pulang yg berlari dulu..me & Samanta baru sja kan pakai coat, durang berlari dah keluar..atu membari garam ati lelakinya..

Hahahah it was creepy but it kinda made our night =) something to laugh about..tapi banar eh, i really don't want to bump into him if i'm on my own, making my way back home..kalau dulu, ada duit skit utk take a taxi, but now i been walking a lot..thus, i usually reject kalau orang kan bwa dinner or hang out after 7..beruri ku...

anyways tadi i went to library =) and had lunch at the Stannary..awhhh i miss campus food =D they are not bad and pretty reasonable for the amount of food they put on your plate and oh the salad bar is amazingggggg =D i will gladly become a vegetarian, if i get to have a salad bar like that in my house..

11 days til exam, 3 more days til i am bit rich and 31 days til i get to say 'i'm home..aww..rindu ku plang nah kan uk :p'

Salam

So, i'm back to where i was last year - in dilemma :-/

I haven't thought about gifts n oleh2 utk orang di Brunei properly til today-- actually i don't want to fikirkan coz paning memikirkan apa and siapa2 kan di bagi - most importantly, how much money do i have to put aside?

I like buying gifts for people tapinya this time around, i'm trying to minimise the cost- last year i spent about 200 pounds, ani including gifts for my parent and sisters-- but then for my sisters, i been buying them little things which i thought they might like through out the year- so kira bias sikit lah in their favour..bukan apa, durang ani kadang2 jenis yg mengcompare siapa dpt paling banyak..

hmmm balum lagi masuk all my cousins tu..- balah babah ada about 6 families, then babu about 7 families? atu pun after elimination process..and then anak beranak lagi..hmm last year i just bought them chocolates, marks n spencer stuffs and some paperchase items..siapa yg nda ampit barang, i just belanja them food..

i actually want to balikan uk-ish souvenirs for the little kids- saja kan mengencourage and inspire durang to study well so they cn go overseas jua..

but liatlah how my budget work this year-- i'm thinking of keeping the cost of souvenirs under 50 pound, possible kah tu?

my parent selalu remind me that i don't have to balikan everyone - faham jua tu durang that im living here on a student allowance..bukan kan shopping sja..

hmmm have to take that into consideration-- kn save duit bah for driving lessons, Aussie and Singapore Insyallah =)

Salam

Hello, cantik rupamu =)

Confession of the day: I cannot stop listening to Micbandit's Cantik rupamu -- its like, it is stuck in my head. When i first found out that these guys are Bruneians, mcm nda percaya -- not that i don't believe in local talents, its just that they kind of take it to the next level. Since the song ani stuck in my head and i can't stop playing the video clip to this song on youtube, i been googling them - durang ani signed to Kartello records which is owned by the 'President', Joe Flizzow of Too Phat.

Tbh, i alwayyyyys prefer Malique over Joe Flizzow..i think i have a bit of obsession with the name Malique or Malik for some reasons which aren't clear to me. Anyways-- Meanwhile Malique masa ani decide to rap in Malay, Joe F (if you listen to his latest songs) ani mcm try to be the Malaysian version of Jay Z.. I can't deny plang that his songs aren't bad and like he got all these talented people under his record company esp. Altimet.

Gilerrrr i love Altimet's 'Chantek'..hmmm see the pattern here hahaha i like the word cantik - there's a Pan-Asian restaurant in Truro yg namanya Chantek hehe i was so happy, i was like 'eh, Malay word yo!!'

Anyways so yea, that's my confession of the day-- more like nonsensical rantings actually..

Stress bah nie coz i just got my modules options for next year tadi ptg -- and it seems like semua i don't like. we have to choose one optional module for each term; the first term punya choice: Gothic, Witchcraft, Literature and Culture and Rythm Nation.

Now i know what you are thinking -- take Witchcraft!! I WANT JUAAAA-- BUT byk orang suka tu that one and since my uni pkai this point list, i know i won't get it..

Based on my essay results, i know i'm not in the top 30 or even 50..so since Witchcraft ani popular, they will give it to people yg top2.. SIOKKKKKK, they get to do HARRY POTTER!! and watch BUFFY!!! like siooook jua tu, i seriously wouldn't mind re-reading Harry potter..apa jua..

Another module yg i love - GOTHIC :) i love it to death!! ...see, i can do the module already..:p tapinya the module leader for this one is scaryyy!!! and he got a ponytail..and he's married to one of our lecturer and they have a baby now.. hmm.. endure weekly scary seminar with him or don't take the module at all..again, this is a popular choice..

yg the other two- Rythm Nation ani about Victorian poetry - sounds interesting plang but mcm intense the work and reading, i love poetry but i hate tearing them apart to the extent that it destroys my impression of it.. the other one, BLAHH i'm not considering at all coz its about Britain in the 1500-1700s - not my thing..

so yes, saya confuse nie masani..i need to do something i love and most importantly, something which i know i can do well at..

random info: tadi i took a short walk around the west side of town - gilerrrr lawa2 and basar2 rumah2 dsana, lawa-- it was nice to be out for a bit, not that i'm being any productive by just staying in my room..i did read Dracula though in the morning, about 15 pages..

oh well :)

Salam

I've just read Fiyyah's latest blog (which is awesome btw, thank you for the reminder :) ) and that made me reflect back on the things i learnt and exposed to, for the past months..

I learnt so many things about myself and how i am with/to other people -- byk kali dah di uji my principles, slalu dah kana question that sometimes it gets a bit too much.

I would like to be a better person, i really do - byk lagi kan di pelajari and di fahami..one might say, by being here, i 'm learning how to appreciate what was given back home - the hard way~

Some people kalau kemari try to make excuses, not to do this and that..mcm susah bah living the right way, tapi sebenarnya, kitani sendiri yg make it difficult..

If nada halal meat, jadi vegetarian or eat seafood sja tah...

atu yg paling menyedihkan actually..when kitani sendiri menghalalkan apa yang di haramkan dlm Agama.. bila di tanya kenapa, katanya dlm Agama, if nada halal meat, mkn tah sja apa yg ada..ckap Bismillah saja

I know this is nothing new - but when i first encountered someone yg bagi this reason, when i was in my first year, i was like 'suka hati jua...adakan tu dlm Al-Quraan, salah interpret kali'..

But entah ah, atu choicenya kali..yg calinya ia yg bertanya kenapa i don't pakai hijab..

When people you know, asks you that..i can answer with calm but when strangers, people you just met, ask you that -- i feel mcm i been stabbed, it bothers me a lot but i'm trying to change it into something positive..i'm seeing it as both a reminder from Allah, 2 strangers in a row asking me the same question..that got to be something..

hmm..once in Bristol, once in Turkey..

I want to wear tudong properly- i want to wear it, not to please anyone, but only sebab i want to please Allah. I don't want to wear it - on and off - i want it to be a permanent addition to my image. I'm not there yet- I am still otw, Insyallah I will change for the better.

Someone told me that lebih baik we change slowly, rather than doing it too fast and maybe losing steam/interest when you reach there- tarusnya karang that change would just be a temporary one.. Thank you for the good advice yea :D

Talking about change, i need to change my mindset about revision- like NOW~ hahaha this one change i need to do it fast sebabnya Time waits for no one..and i desperately need to do well this time around...

its time to kick-ass :) and learn at the same time..

Salam

Britain not considered plang..but hahaha saja, i discovered this website call Picnik yg allows us to edit and create for free- mcm photoshop, tapinya simple saja what you can do but its soo siook..haha kadang2 if kan nda mau blajar or buat kraja, kesini tah tujuan tu..

you can even search for pics online to put into whatever project you are doing-- you have to be online and open up an account with them plang to use it. its not that hard lah to create account..after that, you are free to use it.. :D

Teknologi

I went to Plymouth kelmarin dgn durang Felix & Rob -- durang berhajat kan mengaga the oriental shop di sana, so went sja. Plymouth is in Devon and the closest city to Cornwall..even though Truro is considered as a city, it is not on the same par as Plymouth.

Plymouth ani one could considered- the closest thing we have to urban civilisation :P they have all the big brands and even an apple store :D arh Drake circus. They have lots of Asian shops too - we only have one in the whole of Cornwall and its quite small too..maybe i'm exaggerating, mesti ada tu small asian shop somewhere that we are not aware of.

anywayssss, iatah sioook kelmarin :) they have some sort of international food market in the city and it was so festive rasanya -- the food was awesome, we shared a packet of diff. italian pastries and also makan fruit tarts..

waktu kan balik, kami singgah arh sony punya shop. there and then, i fell in love with....

Sony Bloggie PM5K:D

Lawa ahhhhh :) it costs under 200 pounds, about 140 kali..i want it straightaway..

well..not really plang, i was just amazed yg they created something specifically for people yg baru2 kan bervlog and keen youtubers like moi :)

This one mcm toy rasanya..i asked the guy if i can hold it, he kluarkan this one and another version of the bloggie, the MHS-CM5 one..

They are both very light- nda byk the difference between this version and the other one..major difference, yg PM5K doesn't hve optical zoom- digital zoom saja..meanwhile this one, ada 5x optical zoom. Yg calinya, this version is cheaper than the PM5k coz i think its a bit more bulky, its not slim like a flip.

Tbh i'm new to all this - i'm not really a gadget person, BUT i'm ready to make an exception hahaha i think finally having an iPod opens me up to all these technology...i had my first iPod last year, in december and even then pun, i didn't have any intentions to have it - it was a gift :D thank you schtinks

anyways, pokoknya, i'm actually contemplating on whether i should purchase one or not..mcm i would love to have on, before summer comes so that i can take lots and lots of videos of home and aussie maybe..

I can still make videos using my iPod and digital camera..and even my phone...so i think i can sabar until next academic year :) mudah2an tah buleh sabar hahaha..

I can see the world with that kind of money.. belayar kah or video? i wish i can have both-- tapinya i alrdy kinda blew up my funds this year dgn membeli nintendo dsi..mental ku when nintendo came up with nintendo xl..mcm nda batah durang introduced the dsi, ada tia lagi yg baru..

on that note, i don't really use my nintendo dsi nowadays..its kinda redundant when im at home, kalau travelling , bru tah i use it a lot..i'm thinking of re-selling it, sbabnya a) i don't really use it now and b) mahal the games..

but if i do that-- i think my sisters would axe me...c alai lah most probably :)

anyways, guess what..i haven't done a single thing or read anything..

arghhh mental ku...penyakit malas dtg kembali..

maybe i should start packing instead..

Salam :)

Sebenarnya..

i'm such a lame and 'sekadar...' person, it ain't funny hahahah okay fine..it is funny :)

i'm in love with.....


youtube!!!!

*awkward silence & lots of 'what?!?' *

i know i'm weird..i've accepted that fact, since i was like 12 yrs old? lama dah tu...

mcm fb jua, ramai jua yg addicted to youtube..mcm2 bah kan di liat which provides us lots of reasons not to do our work :) melalaikan tah banar youtube ani sebenarnya..so i'm not the only one with a crush on youtube!!

i always been a person yg slalu visualised stuffs in my head- mcm if i read a book/novel, i would read about 3 lines or at most a paragraph, then i would take about 5/10 minutes imagining those lines being said (complete dgn costume2nya, background2nya sekali)..then bru tah move on-- youtube helps me to visualise things better, esp with poems kdg2..

there's always ppl reading out some poems on youtube..i love it :) sanang lagi my work..i would have my texts open and replay those videos over and over again..

hahaha i sound mcm i don't have a life over here :p

my life, as i said before is basically uni and home- thrown in with International society duties and occasional outings (dinner, bowling, movies, short trips) with my friends here..kdg2 if malas kn kluar, ask the guys to come over for a game of cards or liat movie...hehehe they always come if kami promise them food..ani pun, i still need to invite ppl for lunch or dinner hmm nanti tah make time for them..

anyways my happy energy is all gone now..ngalih ku plang..arghhh i need to do serious revision by this weekend or else, i'm so screwed...

ooo confession time :)

i'm seriously in love masa ani...

i've known about it pulang, for a very2 long time but mcm, i'm in denial about it..

baru recently saja, after kana enforced bravis, baru tah i'm ready to accept that fact..

when i was travelling last time, bila sendiri2, on the coach or train..thats all i think about, daydreaming tah ku nah..thinking of all the possibilities..

:D it makes me happy-- makes me a more positive person..

the sky is the limit..

gilerrr confession bah..

hmmm it must be the latest episode of Glee that makes me all giddy and happy and emo hahahah..is this emo kan?

i call this me being honest with myself :) the first step of realizing you have a problem is by accepting or acknowledging that you have a problem..

so this is my problem..

i'm in love and i think always will be :) (always was? what?! ) hahaah


Salam :)

marah ku

Hari ani - rasa kan smacking bah ia punya face..seriously, saya bukan orang yg mental like that but ulahnya atu membagi orang marah saja. Regret ku agree kan tinggal serumah dgn ia ani, luan offensive bah ia tu..dari the first day dah. masa mula2, truk nie truk..lapas tu masa xmas n sblum easter okay ia..ani mcm apa ulahnya. aku decide utk stay d bilik ku pun jadi masalah baginya...andang jua ia tau atu yg aku memang suka stay n bljr di bilik, nda ku dpt blajr d bawh arh bilik tamu mcm ia..atu satu ah, lapas tu...ntah sasak kali ia, coz aku ckp aku broke dah but aku masih kn planning kan travelling..nda tau apa yg trigger ia, ia give me the cold shoulder dah..not that i care but ia nda bothr pun to hide, dapan2..yg mcm i told ia yg im going home awal so mcm party perpisahan utk my other teman serumah had to be before i leave..lapas tu tarus ia ckp, nya perfect timing tu nya aftr that utk parti drumah yg besar2an..jaling2 lagi tu..atuuuuu...

ia slalu put dirinya above orang lain-- kalau aku sedih or crying about ani kah atu..caranya mengcomfort nah, critanya pasal ia ani kuat..nda pernah give up bla bla bla..kirakan saying aku nie weak lah nie, stupid kah..coz fikir like that..nda ku tau how ia mcm ani ulahnya..hmm pokoknya i'm a spoiled scholarship brat from ia punya eyes..

bila im all marah2 like this, mcm2 bad things kluar tu..but everytime i do it, Alhamdulillah kana bagi jua kesdaran that biarkan tia like that..if aku mcm atu pun, curse ia apa pun..sama tah tu me and ia..kana remindkan that bersabar saja, yg penting i know what my niat is and i know who i am. to ia, i'm no fun sbab i tak minum...i am no fun, sbab i tak freely cuba2 try dadah like ia..to ia, i'm such an anti-soc sbab i jarang kn ke club2s ani..

yg sedihnya i have to tinggal dgn ia lagi tahun dpan, coz akhir dah for aku to try cari tempat tinggal lain tahun dpn..right now, i want to make myself busy dgn work- exam prep..supaya nda time to layn ia and ulah2nya..

biarkan tia it seems as if aku kerugian in ia punya mata..i rather kerugian now, than kerugian waktu akhirat nanti. i seriously pcaya aftr kitani graduate, kami nda lagi kawan..biarkan tia, nda rugi not having orang mcm ia sbgai kawn..

Tulips

I just abis editing the last of our Turkey videos-- i wish i had more, especially for masa we were in Hagia Sophia and the Grand Bazaar :( if i could turn back time, i would go back and record it hahaha but nda apa lah, Alhamdulillah jua dapat merecord our trip on my iPod.

Masa editing the 2nd last one, about a day ago, I found out something amazing about Istanbul :) something to do with my favourite flower in the whole wide world hahaha-- ubah tia? Tulip ani is a symbol of Istanbul, patut tah byk around the city..I feel so content now, i've been to two places yg put tulip above the rose. Istanbul & Holland :D

When i was younger, I realised that all the cliche love stories slalu involve kan bunga mawar and i was like 'eww, apakan lawanya bunga ani? labih jua eh..' haha I literally fikir like that and decided I am never going to like roses sbab smua orang sudah suka and mcm nda special. That is when i first knew about tulips :)

I found out that the Dutch used to sell tulips during their Imperial days-- and that it is quite a money-making flower. Tulip ani so regal and byk the history that i decided that whilst other girls go crazy over roses, I will love Tulip instead.

Iatah masa atu in Holland, iski ku kan meliat...duii bukan masanya, this Easter time ani bru tah lots of Tulip fields comes to life. This is especially true arh the Keukenhof garden-- nanti tah, bila berezki, berjalan ke sana :)

Ani kan ke uni ku ehh..boring ku di rumah ani, and oh its been super summer-y di Cornwall for the past 3 days i've been back..iatah me & my housemate joking that maybe im bringing the sun back to fal

lots of love,

Salam :)

P/s

I forgot to include tadi that despite everything ( which usually comes down to financial issues), i have no regrets :D no regrets about going to Turkey, London, Portsmouth & Oxford :) i thoroughly enjoyd my short vacation..Alhamdulillah i get to reconnect dgn kengkawan lama yg sangat dirindui sebabnya jarang berabis berjumpa..but now its back to reality!!!

mesti start revising tah nie..esuk Insyallah kan ke library and get everything sorted out :D

Easter blues

i'm broke :( and its only like a week into april arghhh...baru saja check my account tadi, my duit byk lari ke makanan, transport and top-up o2 arghhh...this is what London does to you! esp. if ur like me, iski sana sini sbab jarang ke London or any city, that is...

I still got money but that is for rent and a little bit of money in my savings account..nda buleh touch tu, i already felt bad coz i used up half of my savings dah for last xmas holiday..hmm..and i thought i would be better with money, this year. Everything looks promising awal2 last year atu, but now..arghhh selalu nie, after Easter, broke tia ku like last year.

Ireland costs a fortune-- our Turkish trip is actually the cheapest i ever spent on my holidays so far~ hmmm...ada same time, i'm like..'nda apa, bukan kau selalu ke bla bla bla'..but then ada jua rasa guilty, krang my parent tanya tu about my savings.

Planning kan go somewhere before balik Brunei, but if like this, payh nie...jgn tah kali kemana2 before balik, though its tempting to do so-- planning kan ke Milan or Berlin...bukan rezki kali, liat lah how it goes.

pokoknya, until May comes, no shopping ( not even grocery shopping, i just went to ASDA today and spent my last few pounds on milk, egg and bread) and no travelling around even though plymouth, exeter and liverpool are calling my name :(...

My dad lagi kan minta balikan kasut-- mesti save nie, nanti tah di Brunei or Aussie bersuka-ria hahaha probably spend it all on food :D

I just came back from Istanbul ( which isn't the capital of Turkey cough*milin*cough :p) about a day ago :D

I am not ready to blog about it yet, because that would mean me accepting the fact that it is over and that i'm no longer there..so yes, i am in denial atm. i will blog it when i'm ready to move on hahaha

Woke up at 8ish at Azizi's place, then Zee and me made our way to Bhall coz i have to pack my stuffs to go to portsmouth today to visit my cousin, Kajah diana. i went to her place last xmas break, for about 3 days and 2 nights..i didn't get to see much then coz it was too cold and i was sick at that time. After 3 months of not seeing each other, Zee and I were reunited at Oodles noodle at Bayswater :) i love her to bits...she makin lawa, banarrrrr-- i'm not patronising or what, but its true...i still wish we went to the same uni..i hope she still wish that hahahah

I think i'm coming down with something because i been coughing since morning and i just feel sleep all the time-- i blame it on the weather! anyways walked from southsea to my cousin's place at portsmouth harbour tadi..it was a good, relaxing and beautiful walk despite the cold..i got to see the mini fun fair at clarence pier, which is located arh old portsmouth area. it is so americana - but i like it :)

I am supposed to leave for london esuk, but kaka asked me to stay a day longer so i'm going back sunday saja..then i'm leaving london for cornwall wed morning..its kinda early for me to go but i don't know what i will do in london, with everyone gone back to their respective places to revise for exams. so i'm going back earlier than i want to..i might go to plymouth and exeter, before uni resumes and easter break ends..actually kan i wanted to go to liverpool but coz megha can't afford it, we hve to postpone it..

hmm..next destination? spain, prague or italy :) the only place i ever want to go in Spain is Granada where Alhambra and Andalusia is located..meanwhile for Italy, it is Florence :D and Rome come second.. Prague is in the card because of no particular reasons..

i'm not making much sense in this blog because im still super tired and sleepy-- my coach journey was terrribleeee...a screaming baby for the whole 3 hours..arghhh it was super painful seriously..and i thought having toddlers chasing each other on the plane on our flight back to UK was annoying, this screaming baby managed to prove me wrong..

state of mind: i am actually considering what my Babu said to me - Babu, if ada takdir & jodoh, Insyallah ada tu and yes, i will accept it with an open heart and mind..

okay, might go shopping di gun wharf quays esuk..i want to get sme paperchase and possibly a new pair of earrings or something..i am tempted to get new flats but i bought 2 pair of shoes already last year..i need to get a new pair of mac jacket before balik Brunei for summer since the one i have now is falling into pieces..

hmmmm...last month, i went to his place -- gilaaaa..basar rumahnya and pretty jauh from Penryn-- he's so adorable, bru bangun tidur and he complimented me on my tshirt *blush* my housemates plang iski when i told them i got invited to their place, for an after-essays informal gathering :D they know that i had a massive crush on him in my first year & that i can't breathe everytime i see him hahahaha but that was like old story lah..i still think he's cute but i'm not interested in hm that way..i never did to be honest, he isn't my type in terms of personality and ia ada gf bahh..

knapa tia i'm talking about him ani? ohh ohhh i also had this all-girls night-in sleepover at Addy's place, the night after we handed in our last 2 essays :D i seriously thought we are gonna watch one of those cheesy teen movies but nahhh, we watched the reader--- gila, how serious can we be? it was sad and disturbing - didn't like it that much..we ordered Indian food and hahahah stayed up til 5 am bercerita padahal we have class at 12 that day..kami mcm zombie msa lecture and we all felt sick..hahaha it was so funny and to make it worse, we had a seminar from 3-5 pm that day, so me and kat stayed at uni from 11 plus til 5..ndakan menyiksa tu? we had fun lahh hehehe

2010--wow..

This might be a bit late. Actually it is super late because its been 2 months, since 2010 started. So yes, this is a late entry. I been updating my blogspot but not here --- no one really use multiply nowadays, i mean, not that i know of.

What triggered this sudden need for an update are my friend's pictures of her welcoming 2010, in London. I always wanted to celebrate my new year in a big city - just a change of scenery, from the usual family bbqs we had back home (Not that i don't love this annual thing we do :) ). In my first year of uni, I went to London only for 3 days during my christmas break. the rest i spent in cornwall- in my room, all alone in the flat. I mean i do hang-out often with Felix & Robert, but the fact is that i'm away from my close buddies from home. they were either in London, travelling or went bck home for the holidays.

But Alhamdullilah, last christmas break, I was in Den Haag in Holland with one of my closest bestest buddy, Xera :). I have two buddies, by the same name, whom i am close to..and i truly wish that Zee can come too..how awesome would that be? but yea anyways, it was the first holiday i had with a friend from back home :) my Irish trip were with friends i made in Uni (who im still close to btw). We spent about 10 days in Holland- staying at my uncle and aunt's place in Den Haag and oh yes, we went to Amsterdam twice-- and fell in love with patat orloog which is a dutch food. Basically, its chips drowned in mayo and satay sauce, topped with diced onions :D its awesommmeee...

We got so hooked to it, it's not even funny-- Our New year's eve, Aunty ana made one of my fav dishes made by her, mussels cooked in dill sauce :) she also made sambal terung which is grrrreat..basically, i got to eat all those familiar dishes whilst we were there..the only downside of our trip was that it was FREEZING cold, Holland was covered in snow..it melted a few days before we were to go back to UK..but other than that, snow made it difficult for us to walk around easily..i'm still not used to the weather here, i detest it tbh..i like a cool breeze but not chilly - something..

Uncle wanted to bring us to the city, to watch fireworks but we don't have to..since they live in a posh-ish suburban place,we get to watch fireworks really close and for free :D all the neighbouring houses were filled with families and like we do it back home, they all got their own fireworks ready :D it was awesome..

The next day, 1st of January 2010, we went back to UK..it was sad really, coz we gotten so close to all my cousins & aunty & uncle over the 10 days..but yes, i will see them Insyallah when i and them go back to Brunei for the summer holidays.

I am going away to Turkey Insyallah on the 29th march with a group of friends from back home :) i'm super excited about this and at the same time, anxious. i just hope no one would successfully mugged me (the stories that travellers tell- check out travelpod), all my belongings i acquired thru halal way so Insyallah, nothing will get nicked.

for now, i have to do 4000 word essay by next saturday..then i have a presentation next tuesday :) my life is fabolous, don't u think?

lots of love,

Atiqah Fariz

hmm

Yes, I am upset & disappointed with my essays. Just got them back this morning and it kinda ruined my whole day. No wonder my heart was beating so fast tadi when I was walking towards the English office. I should have known.

But entah ah, like what i wrote arh the pseudo-modernist 'poem' just now, all I can do really is cry over it for awhile, take a step back and analyse where I went wrong then do something about it and don't let these pessimistic, dark clouds hovers above my head. Though this is easier written than done, it is not impossible.

I feel a lot better honestly. Sometimes you just have to get all the frustrations & negativity off your chest. I finally did that.

I have a presentation next week and two essays due within 2 weeks time. Its only my first week and I am already drowning in work.

sigh

I'm just really bersyukur that i'm still here to improve myself. this year Insyallah i will improve the other areas of my life jua :)

just some ol' plain painful truth

It’s difficult.

The road that I have chosen to follow is difficult.

I used to think that I have what it takes

I used to think I was that good of a writer or essayist

I took Elite for four years straight

I thought my skills would be up to par now

But I was wrong

I don’t know how to go about this

Its not that I don’t seek help

Its not that I don’t make effort

I did

But it seems like I don’t have it

Some people can write overnight brilliantly

But I can’t even manage a 2:2 even after 3 weeks of preparation

Some people thought its easy

After all, it is a bachelor of arts.

How hard could it be, compare to other science courses?

But it is hard.

Maybe it is because I don’t have such skills that I am struggling.

Maybe I am not Elite enough because seriously people who do elite are mostly cultured & well off

Sometimes I just want to call my parent and tell them I am leaving,

Sometimes I feel like emailing my tutor to tell him I had enough,

Sometimes everything just seems too much to handle,

But whenever these thoughts runs through my mind,

Whatever is left of my faith in myself fights back,

And reminded me that I worked hard to be where I am today,

That my parent sacrificed a lot for me to be here,

Hmmm….

I am back to square one now.

I been struggling to keep my head above the water since the day I entered high school.

It was always a struggle to get the grades that I wanted, to be able to please my dad.

I never stop struggling until today.

I know I have the intelligence, but it always seems like I am not as good as other people

I used to dream of being a top student in my course, of getting first -class essays

You might think I am being dramatic, after all I did pass right?

It is never about passing essays, its about being able to write down your views

Its about being able to voice out your opinions coherently

In Literature, there is no right or wrong.

Just the ability to successfully argue your case

Its about being able to justify your points

Most of all it is about showing off your knowledge

Showing how aware one is of the different literary movements

Which always most certainly relates back to history and politics

English literature used to be only for the upper class,

Maybe I am not cultured enough

Hmmm…

Despite my lack of faith in my own ability

I know that I just have to keep trying

Finding ways to truly improve whatever skills I have

Even if I fail to achieve the 2:1 or First,

At least I know that I did all the best I can

All I want is to be able to make myself proud

As silly as that sounds.