little notes along the way~~

Class of 2011

2012-01-21T22:11:00.001Z

Class of 2011

Graduation day was just super hectic!
-Woke up late and missed the bus that goes to campus
- My graduation shoes were killing me- I got blisters even before we arrived at the Cathedral
- My mum whatsapped my dad that they are watching the ceremony thru streaming :) I am glad they get to watch it too~ esp. my mum ( I secretly hoped she cried in happiness :) )
- I lost my dad after the ceremony and only found him just as we are suppose to get on the bus back to campus ( I feel really2 bad about this--)
- Things got better when my dad starts talking and cracking jokes with Kat's parent during the reception
- Starts crying when some people went around for hugs and goodbyes before leaving the reception
- Kat nearly cried when she saw me crying like a baby--
- Addy did not come to the reception hehe her loss because her favourite lecturer Jason went around to ours and we took a photo with him :) (and chris stokes too!)
- Stupidly forgotten that I have to return the robe by the set time, ran all the way up the hill (in my heels) to DM building to find that the robe ppl left a few minutes ago.
- Panicked and decided to talk to the security people up in reception - they were soooo nice and helpful, they (as well as the people in charge of graduation) help me return the robes back to Exeter, which saves me from paying the fines set by the robe company.

Kat and her parent gave us a ride back -- I love her parent as much as I love kat :)

Our after-lecture lunch at the stannary, post-seminar Costa coffee sessions, Indian food delivery during sleepovers, countless breakfasts at Willie's Dynamite during the weekends & pre-gym tea at the Cavendish~ Good food and great friends :)

I love them to bits even though sometimes I do not understand their jokes or references to British TV or figures..

Lost in Translation :)..so much so that they started recording all the silly, random things I say~ :)

anyways yea, this is just me reminiscing the good ol' times..now all of us are busy with the path that we each choose to take..

Addy & Cinders are doing their PGCE at the moment and Kat is working in London :))

me? I am doing what I always wanted to do Alhamdulillah :)

Salaam

I'm thankful

2012-01-20T22:01:00.000Z

So, that was my first post for 2012 :) Alhamdulillah sampai jua to this year :))

I have so much to be thankful for actually~~

Last year, after handing in my dissertation, I had so many doubts and I worry about where I will end up. I was ready to accept the fact that it was not my rezeki to do MA.

Alhamdulillah, I got the scholarship and a place at Leeds :D - One of the best Uni for English and definitely top 3 for my course~~ when I was applying for my undergrad, Leeds was actually one of the University I applied to but I did not manage to get in and so I went to Exeter. But now hehehe kana bagi the chance to be part of the amazing English department - which gives me access to the centre for post-colonial studies & also to Leeds Humanities Research Institute or LHRI :)

Apart from that, I get to live with two amazing girls :) whom I have known for over 11 years now and they help me bravis in so many aspects, and they are so sabar melayan my karenah which i admit does not befit a 22 year old. Alhamdulillah~ we have our own jokes and 'drama' hehehee..

Masyallah, if I could list all the things that He gives me, that list is going to be soooo long~
He gives me another chance, that is all I can say lah.
He gives me in Leeds, what was lacking in Falmouth--
The three-year wait was definitely worth it :)

In our first year, Z and me constantly cakap how we wish we were in the same Uni, in the same city..this wish was finally granted late last year :) jgn kan ckp same uni or city saja, same house yo~~

I always cakap how I miss cakap Brunei and how going to London is my only chance of actually interacting with Bruneians~ Nahhh..byk kali ah Bruleeds ani..

& He gives me clarity :) in various aspects...

Alhamdulillah :)

Another thing that I am thankful for is that my mum graduated from her MSc dah last December :) I am so proud of her~ she worked really really hard :') If my mummy can do it, why can't I? kan kan? :) my mum is definitely one of my best friends~ :'/ I miss her & babah jua..

waaaaaaa i want to go homeeeeee..

2012 already :)

2012-01-20T21:22:00.000Z

I was thinking of ditching this whole blogging thing because I have a tumblr now (*upgrade*) BUT it is not the same. This blog and my old multiply one tells my story -- remind me of where I have been and what have I done.

So yes I'm back and Insyallah will try to post more -- and oh, i think having all these new apps really defeats the purpose of blogging sometimes. I mean, you can share your thoughts and activities in Instagram through photos, updates through Twitter and then there's Path :)..

This is such a crazy world where we just share too much..at one point, in the near future, nothing is private any more. to be honest, I don't tweet that much any more unless i got tweeted or I have super interesting thing to say..lol..& oh, facebook? is an effective way of getting in-touch and all..BUT i'm kinda tired of it.

the worse thing is that despite how i'm sick of all these social apps, I can't bring myself to delete or freeze my account just yet. WHAAAA...dilemma 2012

I should not have sign up for Path - but then I sign up for it wayyyyyy before it started to become popular, it was one of the first app i got early 2011. I didn't realise that it would eventually catch-on.~

2011-07-06T15:52:00.000+01:00

I need a boost.

I've been feeling like I don't matter...

I've got nothing to offer...

I need a boost.

Dear Housemates

2011-07-04T23:29:00.000+01:00

Before I left -- I made a book detailing my journey and the people I get to share it with :)

My housemates among others.

We all had our differences, our own principles and attitudes.

Though we do get annoyed at each other, we still have enough respect to not cause unnecessary commotions.

Okay fine-- something did happen

But

I do believe we all learnt a lot from each other - not just about one another but about ourselves

who we are and what we want from life in general and specifically--

One of my closest buddy is Clare.

She cakap we are so opposite -- i'm the good one and she's the naughty one.

But we work well -- we can run around and rule the world.

Banar plang, sometimes we do get on each other punya nerves

we learn how to deal with it and talk it out somehow..

Anna is my advisor -- my impartial listener who always tell me as it is but nada roughly lah..

she is my motivator.

she knows when I need a compliment or two -- (time when i have no self-confidence and morale is low)

Megha is bittersweet. Depends on who you are and how you are, you might not be able to handle how direct she can be about things. she's one tough cookie- and i think she will see that as compliment, which she should because it is.

life works in strange, funny ways.

I am glad my life gets to collide with these three individuals.

they helped me grow.

and I hope i managed to give them back what they have given me.

Thank you girls & I wish you all the best in everything-- don't forget to keep in touch :)

Friends always.

2011-07-04T23:12:00.000+01:00

This used to be my home for two years.

Now i'm homeless dahhhhh, moved out for good on the 25th and I went straight to London from then.

It was pretty sad and difficult to actually pack up my things and clear it out. my room felt empty without my posters, my little tidbits, my stuffed toys etc.

But the last few days of being in Falmouth were amongst the best.

The boys were nicer and we see them more often than usual that week.

firstly, we had a small gathering when Clare made her first lunch...it was the first time that the boys heard me sing lol and also Nisah and Shamsa..my housemates by then were already used to me singing..

It was not planned at all--- Dan was like 'ok, let's sing...' after the lunch and he grabbed Clare's guitar and started strumming. i was nervous like shit because usually when we jammed, its only me and him and sometimes Clare if she doesn't get bored by how difficult it is for both of us to choose a song that suits both of

us. I often ask for Adele's punya lagu but he doesn't really like except for "Set fire to the rain"...

Anyways we did 'Patience' by Take That, then hehehehe my favourite 'Part of your world' which is from the Little Mermaid and later 'Falling for you' by Colbie. I didn't sing well on the last song...I still find it difficult to shift from low to high notes and I still have trouble with my tempo.

everyone stayed from 2 pm (when the lunch started) till 9 pm :) just having fun chilling n playing card games..later we all decided to go to the cinema and catch 'Bad teacher'..it was ok ok kind of movie..

I stayed over at rumah nisah because it was already late when the movie finished and it was a saturday night. so takut kan balik rumah alone so i slept over at their place and clare stayed at dan's.

Then came SUSHI NIGHT!! Basically Megha requested the boys to make sushi for us so they came and brought the ingredients and all 8 of us were involved in making all the food for that night..i was in charge of the mochi and tempura lol..the mochi is rather time-consuming but its something that i can make again in the future. we made ice-cream mochi in 3 flavours: strawberry, vanilla & chocolate. I was having trouble making a thin mochi wrap so Dan helped me out. Megha, Anna and Robert and sometimes Dan were making them sushi rolls. Whilst Felix and Clare were making the chicken teriyaki and the rice. Akshan came late and he fried half of the tempura and i did the other half. All in all, it was a rather productive day and we only sat down to eat at about 11 pm. it took us 4 hours to make everything..then they played poker and then they got drunk and the rest is history as they said lol. Someone became the Invincible Hulk! & we didn't sleep until 5 am as we all stayed up to watch the sunrise at the park nearby my house. But the weather was awful and the sun didnt cme out until 7/8 am..

the Night before three of us were meant to leave home (megha, me, anna)-- we had our last dinner at Mali Thai :'( we been going there since first year and it ws the place where we had our first dinner as a group :)..so yea it was for old time sake but the boys were a bit odd-ish, talking about games n computers...anyhow then they followed us home and they taught me how to play poker. for a first timer, i was pretty lucky and i won a lot but i didn't win pulang lol. it was just really fun to hang out with them for the last time di UK like that as students...I definitely will miss them tu...

oh well...

A little something i made for fun masatu...

2011-07-04T22:51:00.000+01:00

2011-03-19T01:12:00.002Z

Drama Drama Drama

My life since back dari Brunei over the christmas break...

Drama Drama Drama..

Basically kan all these time i kept on saying how nothing ever happens in Falmouth in general & my life specifically..NAHHH mcm2 tia..

Results not so good :/...applied to 3 universities alrdy but if bukan rezeki, i guess i would be teaching by this september or october..unless they want me to do PGCE first, if that's the case..i hope my degree would be good enough to go to Oz to do it..Brisbane, i hope i can call you home if plan A doesn't work out..

Uuupdatess

2010-07-05T12:08:00.002+01:00

I've been back for a month now and somehow Alhamdulillah it seems like time passes so fast, this time around. I thought i might start blogging about how bored i am the first few days, but hey i didn't =) which is a good sign that this summer Insyallah is going to be a great one..

Before balik Brunei, i stayed a week in London - just had to get away from No 12 and chill before becoming a specially-imported Amah for the whole summer :p. Went to Thorpe Park and got on more scary rides than i've imagined i would, finally had hummingbird's cupcakes and a peach whoopies from Harrods =) i even got lost, trying to get to piccadily circus from bond street..i somehow have this silly belief that buses going through bond street would eventually end up at piccadily, so i just hopped on this bus without asking coz i was alrdy late, nda tau2 yg that bus ke Russel square hehehe..panic me so i stopped dakat British museum..nda lagi tau how to get back tu so i kept on walking n walking til i sampai ke camden town punya tube..haaaaa i was nearly an hour late because of that detour..heheheh cali, baik jua orang yg menunggu ani penyabar..and oh finally went to Japan centre =D i'm so going to go there again, now that i know..

did some touristy stuffs too --- went to the V&A museum di South Kensington, walk through Regent park & visited the National gallery and oh i finally get to see the peter pan statue di Hyde Park :D now i know..

That one week in London was awesome =D i have no regrets except i should have brought more books for me to readdddd...i want to conquer works written by Russian writers :p i haven't read any Russian or African writers yet, my reading list is sadly limited to the recommended mainstream Classics, i have yet to read Catch 22 and 1984..*sigh* i don't think there's enough time in this world to read everythingggg..maybe people should stop writing books :p

Now back home with the family-- hmm been busy making biscuits like insane for the past 2 weeks, and i just finished my 2 weeks attachment jua last satday..i was at PTEM =) Observing the whole English department :) i learnt a lot from my experience and somehow it made me realize that maybe, just maybe being a teacher is my niche? though i would like to believe its writing or journalism or something to do with travelling..my mum is here btw, she's back for the winter break and she's going back to Oz late july..oh well...

Anyways, i'm thinking Seville-Granada, Spain this xmas break or maybe Easter? anyone mau ikuttt?

oh yea world cup :) i'm so proud of the Asian teams-- they did pretty well and made a lot of firsts, so hats off to them =) i am not siding with any teams, but it seems like Germany and Netherlands might be fighting it out in the finals? maybe?

Atiqah

Before balik (Part 1)

2010-05-28T19:49:00.005+01:00

The last few days before berangkat ke London bravisnya busy - lots of dates :P sedih lah esp. to those yg graduating this year or even, students MA yg i got close too..I still can't believe a year is gone already and that i'm actually just a few days away, from boarding the plane back to Brunei.

Rewind balik ahh --

Hmm on the 23rd, went to the Falmouth golf club with durang Nadia and Robert..dari masa atu dah ada ingin kan golfing, ani bru tah kesampaian. Falmouth golf club is located near my fav. beach in Falmouth - Swanpool :D which is quite far from town so we took a taxi there--- We didn't do like golf banar2 lah, driving saja and we end up staying for about 2 hours, nda branti memukul golf balls saja hahahaha bangkak tarus tangan and sakit my back aftr that..tapinya SIOKKKK and the view is absolutely breathtaking, baik jua the weather hot and sunny, kalau nda, it would be a terrible golfing session..

Robert corrected my grip and help me with my swings -- banar2 mcm coach bah ia ah, and oh we used his golf clubs - taylor-made yoo..mahal kali ah, i mean for a beginner, its kinda silly to purchase expensive clubs..i think so plang, ur most welcome to disagree.

Anyways was suppose to meet up with the girls for the last time at Swanpool for serious 'beach-ing' session :) so made our way back on foot..then kami kelaparan so we makan at this amazing seafood restaurant which overlooks the beach :D lawaaaaa the view..arghhhh i will seriously miss the view..

The girls came- rob left - spent 2 hour at the beach, makan Cornish ice-cream :D NYAMAN--- Lapas tu, ran back to town to jumpa Adarsh, i was 30-mins late due to the blister i got from walking too much..baik jua ia ani penyabar, i felt bad though making him wait for so long..yg paling menyasakkan my phone died arghhhh people been telling me to get rid of it and get a new one-- where got money??? and besides, i like it-- i just need to remember to recharge it.. talk about so many things with Adarsh at Spoons -- we even talked about my fav. 'ism' in the world = POST-COLONIALISM :)

It was hard to say goodbye lah..hopefully we will get to see one another lagi..this goes out to all the wonderful people i met in Uni --

Balik rumah at 9ish-- tarus kana tagur oleh my housemates coz i haven't finish packing, cleaning my food items, cleaning my room, drying my clothes arghhhhh hahahaha so like i spent from then on til 2 am just doing all that.. my train to London left like at 9 plus the next morning, i was sooo tired..

Nadia also ke London that morning coz we planning to hang out with Clarisse and her bf before ia balik ke Singapore--

eh sambung next one lah--

Exams and the drama that comes with it

2010-05-22T18:09:00.002+01:00

Its 6.11 pm and i'm sitting here - updating my blog in someone else's house :p

my last exam was on last thursday - the paper that we dreaded the most because instead of one essay in 2 hours, we have to write 2 essays for this one particular paper which if its badly enough is the Romanticism paper..but Alhamdulillah, whatever i studied for..came out and was over the moon about it,tapinya kata orang..jgn terlalu confident krg lain jadinya..

Ada jua the fun bits about exam period ani -- esp. if you are with the craziest of people :) for the past 2 weeks of exam, me and my kengkawan blajar di library..kdg2 lama bravis, kdg2 kjap sja but kan its the effort and niat that counts what?..we even ordered chinese one time hahahahah laparz yooo..a day before our last exam, we went to this free concert thingy at the Daphne du Maurier literature festival in Fowey--

IT WAS AWESOMEEEE :D we get to see this amazing british folk singer, Seth Lakeman live and seriously, the night was one that i think i will remember for ages--- the music, the atmosphere, location and of course, the people im with make it a great night for me..

it is kinda sad that there will be no more revision sessions in the library next year..until we are writing our dissertation in our 2nd term coz we don't have any more exams for our 3rd year..

so yes, said plenty of goodbyes and 'hope you have a great summer' to a number of close friends that day and at night, had a surprise advanced bday thing for Felix --- i don't want to say it coz mcm capi2 but its funny really..Nadia & Clare baked a cake shaped like that of a male private part, complete with whipped cream to symbolise..ehem ehem hahaha omg, the look on his face was sooo cali..then malamnya, had my 2nd and somehow last night out with the girls..

i don't think if i should happy about this but smua orang mcm protective of me these days -- i like though that feeling of being taken care of but kdg2, i'm like 'hello, we are of the same age..'..can't deny though im pretty naive in lots of things -- like dating :p just to name a few, not that im considering it..

anywaaayyys baked a choc cheesecake with Jenny just now and atm, m waiting for the boys to be ready so we can go for dinner at 7..

and OH OH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HJH HAZIRAH HM SALLEH :D yg ke 20+ hahahaha

Salam,

Atiqah

Models

2010-05-07T21:34:00.002+01:00

It is my duty, ain't it? to promote this campus to other prospective International students..I mean, since i currently hold the position for being the Exeter Co-chair for the society and all.. the thing is that i made peace with the things that disappoint me about this campus-- i don't know if others ever will, they would have to eventually..

anyways, we had a photo shoot session for the International prospectus for the cornwall campus last wednesday :) it was tiring, but fun..i get to meet more internationals whom i haven't met before- well 3 of them anyways, the rest i've met before the session..we met up at 9 am arh main reception area on campus, so i had to run to the bus stop at 8.26..coz i stupidly woke up late, around 7.30..i didn't even have time for breakfast..

i felt so under dress that day haha just coz the other girl who's in the photo shoot til afternoon was wearing full-on makeup and body-fitting clothes..she's nice though and pretty friendly..we went around campus til 1-ish, then made our way into town and was treated to lunch and Roskilly's ice-cream..AMAZING :) people who haven't tried cornish ice-cream r missing out..so come and visit me here, will you? ;)

our last location was at Gylly beach :D the sun was out, hues of blues everywhere..ahhhh what a life, i wish i have a car here..so i can go to the beach whenever i feel like it..anyways we had to do this photo shoot of us playing in the water..it was freezinggg..

started at 9 am, finished at 3 pm..a whole day of revision gone, but hey, i had fun :) even though it was pretty tiring n longggg...

and oh oh i invited the girls from my course over for lunch yesterday..made them Nasi lemak though i so failed at making my rice fluffy.it was a tad dry and i felt really bad at making them eat it..hmm but my prawn sambal rules :) well..it rules according to me plang..maybe its not that good ehh? we had a really good time, just hanging out..forgetting for awhile that we have exams next week.. then Lucinda drove us all to campus for some hard core library session..i am so going to miss them over summer..esp. Addy from the 'hood, the catholic girl with a crazy sense of humour..hahaha

i'm all freaked out now about exams...please just let me get a 60 or a 64 at most..i kept on getting 58 for my exams, its not that impressive..i want a 60!!! Mudah2an tah ada rezki this time around..

JIA YOU!!!! to all yg having exams soon..we can do this!! 2 weeks til home :D

Salam

Brizzie

2010-05-01T01:02:00.003+01:00

Night of My life- Damien Leith

Here we are,

Shooting stars,

Renting time in someone else's space

So unsure

Afraid to fall

I'm standing here

A little scared

But I don't care

'Cos this kind of moment, is only on loan and

I wanna remember the look in your eyes

When it's all over I want you to know that I was with you when I

Had the night of my life...(X2)

So don't let go

You never know

Maybe your whole life's about to change

So let's hold on

Until it's gone

Nothing's made to last forever

Who knows whether

This kind of moment is only on loan and

Sometimes you don't know until it passes you by

And when it's all over I want you to know that I was with you when I

Had the night of my life

Maybe this whole thing comes right down to faith,

And every choice that we think that we make

Has put us right here together

I feel like a 13 year old all over again =) writing down lyrics of my fav songs, arh my diary..then write little notes or doodles at the side. Well, i didn't intend to start doing that on my blog BUT somehow tadi when this song was playing on my playlist- it brought back some good memories of late 2006.

It was the finals of Australian Idol 2006 and i was in Brisbane with my little sister, visiting my mum who was graduating that year. Anyways, we are supposed to watch the finals of AI at my mum punya kawan punya apartment which she pinjamkan to one of their friends..we had beard papa's cream puffs and ordered pizza halal not far from the apartment..durang tinggal di city Brisbane itself, in the CBD area..it was quite a new experience for me =) the noise, the smell, the people and ohh hahaha of course the shops and oh yea i had my first Borders crush there..

this song reminds me of that night-- the city- and that 17 year old version of me..hmm =) i think i would like to put this song in the list of wedding songs =) HAHAHAH remember fellow Paradise Rose?!?! kitani discussing pasal wedding songs, after ordering from either Ideal or McD tu or Jollibee..soooo cali, i still have the list btw arh my multiply blog..

Pokoknya, this song is sweet =) sometimes in life, you found yourself in a perfect moment yg mcm surreal rasanya..and that moment could not be more sweeter, when you are with the right person..

ahhh sorry, i've been quite jiwang lately..its a bit annoying tbh..hehehe//

Bahh kan blajar ku- 10 more days til exams--- 30 days til Home Insyallah..

Salam

2010-04-29T22:33:00.002+01:00

I want to crita about last Saturday..oh wait, last friday kali..hmm anyways one of the people i used to travel with last time was turning 21 that day- so fiancee nya invite kami2 lah utk 'surprise' dinner tapi tau jua ia akhir2..and they were the first to come and nobody got him any cake -- i'm still not 'rich' at the moment, so i can't afford to buy him a gift and come for the bday dinner.

So anyways, biasa lah ah dinner then bla bla bla..lapas atu, we went to wetherspoons for cheap drinks - durang lah ah, not me..i just ordered J20 =) 99p yo!! cheapest drink in the house, even if you ask for lemonade, its going to be more than 99p.. then we duduk2 lah at this table with 2 comfy sofas ( siapa yg pernah ke wetherspoons, tau tu how they look like) -- crita punya crita, suddenly kelurusan the bday boy, c James pindah duduk from the sofa that me & Samanta duduki..ada tia this thin, scruffy looking guy btanya 'can i join you guys?'..blum lagi orang ckp yes or no, duduk tia sblah ku..

Hahahah Ya Allah, berdebak2 jantungku bah..bukannya apa, it was obvious he was drunk and kami semua diam bah..the guys mcm nda kan ketawa.. he started asking me, felix n robert where we come from since we look Asian, then he suddenly look at me ( gila dakat lagi ia atu..eeee..) and said how he likes Asian girls.

I was like HELP!! arh the 4 boys yg duduk opposite our sofa..duiiii, lagi durang suka hahaha nampak bah durang kan ketawa atu..

that creepy guy introduced himself as Sam and you know what sambungnya that he likes Asian girls coz we give 'inspiration' --- yg paling teruk, he started asking me & Samanta whether we like his shoelaces-- then adakah ia angkat kakinya dpan our face, and tanya ' do you like my legs?'

ARGHHHHH hahahah at that point, i was like..okay, guys its not funny anymore, lets just go-- baik jua the guys finally get our SOS signals..

Fikir tah the guys ani will wait for us..tapinya asta, durang pulang yg berlari dulu..me & Samanta baru sja kan pakai coat, durang berlari dah keluar..atu membari garam ati lelakinya..

Hahahah it was creepy but it kinda made our night =) something to laugh about..tapi banar eh, i really don't want to bump into him if i'm on my own, making my way back home..kalau dulu, ada duit skit utk take a taxi, but now i been walking a lot..thus, i usually reject kalau orang kan bwa dinner or hang out after 7..beruri ku...

anyways tadi i went to library =) and had lunch at the Stannary..awhhh i miss campus food =D they are not bad and pretty reasonable for the amount of food they put on your plate and oh the salad bar is amazingggggg =D i will gladly become a vegetarian, if i get to have a salad bar like that in my house..

11 days til exam, 3 more days til i am bit rich and 31 days til i get to say 'i'm home..aww..rindu ku plang nah kan uk :p'

Salam

2010-04-22T18:13:00.002+01:00

So, i'm back to where i was last year - in dilemma :-/

I haven't thought about gifts n oleh2 utk orang di Brunei properly til today-- actually i don't want to fikirkan coz paning memikirkan apa and siapa2 kan di bagi - most importantly, how much money do i have to put aside?

I like buying gifts for people tapinya this time around, i'm trying to minimise the cost- last year i spent about 200 pounds, ani including gifts for my parent and sisters-- but then for my sisters, i been buying them little things which i thought they might like through out the year- so kira bias sikit lah in their favour..bukan apa, durang ani kadang2 jenis yg mengcompare siapa dpt paling banyak..

hmmm balum lagi masuk all my cousins tu..- balah babah ada about 6 families, then babu about 7 families? atu pun after elimination process..and then anak beranak lagi..hmm last year i just bought them chocolates, marks n spencer stuffs and some paperchase items..siapa yg nda ampit barang, i just belanja them food..

i actually want to balikan uk-ish souvenirs for the little kids- saja kan mengencourage and inspire durang to study well so they cn go overseas jua..

but liatlah how my budget work this year-- i'm thinking of keeping the cost of souvenirs under 50 pound, possible kah tu?

my parent selalu remind me that i don't have to balikan everyone - faham jua tu durang that im living here on a student allowance..bukan kan shopping sja..

hmmm have to take that into consideration-- kn save duit bah for driving lessons, Aussie and Singapore Insyallah =)

Salam

Hello, cantik rupamu =)

2010-04-21T19:28:00.004+01:00

Confession of the day: I cannot stop listening to Micbandit's Cantik rupamu -- its like, it is stuck in my head. When i first found out that these guys are Bruneians, mcm nda percaya -- not that i don't believe in local talents, its just that they kind of take it to the next level. Since the song ani stuck in my head and i can't stop playing the video clip to this song on youtube, i been googling them - durang ani signed to Kartello records which is owned by the 'President', Joe Flizzow of Too Phat.

Tbh, i alwayyyyys prefer Malique over Joe Flizzow..i think i have a bit of obsession with the name Malique or Malik for some reasons which aren't clear to me. Anyways-- Meanwhile Malique masa ani decide to rap in Malay, Joe F (if you listen to his latest songs) ani mcm try to be the Malaysian version of Jay Z.. I can't deny plang that his songs aren't bad and like he got all these talented people under his record company esp. Altimet.

Gilerrrr i love Altimet's 'Chantek'..hmmm see the pattern here hahaha i like the word cantik - there's a Pan-Asian restaurant in Truro yg namanya Chantek hehe i was so happy, i was like 'eh, Malay word yo!!'

Anyways so yea, that's my confession of the day-- more like nonsensical rantings actually..

Stress bah nie coz i just got my modules options for next year tadi ptg -- and it seems like semua i don't like. we have to choose one optional module for each term; the first term punya choice: Gothic, Witchcraft, Literature and Culture and Rythm Nation.

Now i know what you are thinking -- take Witchcraft!! I WANT JUAAAA-- BUT byk orang suka tu that one and since my uni pkai this point list, i know i won't get it..

Based on my essay results, i know i'm not in the top 30 or even 50..so since Witchcraft ani popular, they will give it to people yg top2.. SIOKKKKKK, they get to do HARRY POTTER!! and watch BUFFY!!! like siooook jua tu, i seriously wouldn't mind re-reading Harry potter..apa jua..

Another module yg i love - GOTHIC :) i love it to death!! ...see, i can do the module already..:p tapinya the module leader for this one is scaryyy!!! and he got a ponytail..and he's married to one of our lecturer and they have a baby now.. hmm.. endure weekly scary seminar with him or don't take the module at all..again, this is a popular choice..

yg the other two- Rythm Nation ani about Victorian poetry - sounds interesting plang but mcm intense the work and reading, i love poetry but i hate tearing them apart to the extent that it destroys my impression of it.. the other one, BLAHH i'm not considering at all coz its about Britain in the 1500-1700s - not my thing..

so yes, saya confuse nie masani..i need to do something i love and most importantly, something which i know i can do well at..

random info: tadi i took a short walk around the west side of town - gilerrrr lawa2 and basar2 rumah2 dsana, lawa-- it was nice to be out for a bit, not that i'm being any productive by just staying in my room..i did read Dracula though in the morning, about 15 pages..

oh well :)

Salam

2010-04-19T22:10:00.002+01:00

I've just read Fiyyah's latest blog (which is awesome btw, thank you for the reminder :) ) and that made me reflect back on the things i learnt and exposed to, for the past months..

I learnt so many things about myself and how i am with/to other people -- byk kali dah di uji my principles, slalu dah kana question that sometimes it gets a bit too much.

I would like to be a better person, i really do - byk lagi kan di pelajari and di fahami..one might say, by being here, i 'm learning how to appreciate what was given back home - the hard way~

Some people kalau kemari try to make excuses, not to do this and that..mcm susah bah living the right way, tapi sebenarnya, kitani sendiri yg make it difficult..

If nada halal meat, jadi vegetarian or eat seafood sja tah...

atu yg paling menyedihkan actually..when kitani sendiri menghalalkan apa yang di haramkan dlm Agama.. bila di tanya kenapa, katanya dlm Agama, if nada halal meat, mkn tah sja apa yg ada..ckap Bismillah saja

I know this is nothing new - but when i first encountered someone yg bagi this reason, when i was in my first year, i was like 'suka hati jua...adakan tu dlm Al-Quraan, salah interpret kali'..

But entah ah, atu choicenya kali..yg calinya ia yg bertanya kenapa i don't pakai hijab..

When people you know, asks you that..i can answer with calm but when strangers, people you just met, ask you that -- i feel mcm i been stabbed, it bothers me a lot but i'm trying to change it into something positive..i'm seeing it as both a reminder from Allah, 2 strangers in a row asking me the same question..that got to be something..

hmm..once in Bristol, once in Turkey..

I want to wear tudong properly- i want to wear it, not to please anyone, but only sebab i want to please Allah. I don't want to wear it - on and off - i want it to be a permanent addition to my image. I'm not there yet- I am still otw, Insyallah I will change for the better.

Someone told me that lebih baik we change slowly, rather than doing it too fast and maybe losing steam/interest when you reach there- tarusnya karang that change would just be a temporary one.. Thank you for the good advice yea :D

Talking about change, i need to change my mindset about revision- like NOW~ hahaha this one change i need to do it fast sebabnya Time waits for no one..and i desperately need to do well this time around...

its time to kick-ass :) and learn at the same time..

Salam

2010-04-18T15:54:00.002+01:00

Britain not considered plang..but hahaha saja, i discovered this website call Picnik yg allows us to edit and create for free- mcm photoshop, tapinya simple saja what you can do but its soo siook..haha kadang2 if kan nda mau blajar or buat kraja, kesini tah tujuan tu..

you can even search for pics online to put into whatever project you are doing-- you have to be online and open up an account with them plang to use it. its not that hard lah to create account..after that, you are free to use it.. :D

Teknologi

2010-04-16T19:24:00.005+01:00

I went to Plymouth kelmarin dgn durang Felix & Rob -- durang berhajat kan mengaga the oriental shop di sana, so went sja. Plymouth is in Devon and the closest city to Cornwall..even though Truro is considered as a city, it is not on the same par as Plymouth.

Plymouth ani one could considered- the closest thing we have to urban civilisation :P they have all the big brands and even an apple store :D arh Drake circus. They have lots of Asian shops too - we only have one in the whole of Cornwall and its quite small too..maybe i'm exaggerating, mesti ada tu small asian shop somewhere that we are not aware of.

anywayssss, iatah sioook kelmarin :) they have some sort of international food market in the city and it was so festive rasanya -- the food was awesome, we shared a packet of diff. italian pastries and also makan fruit tarts..

waktu kan balik, kami singgah arh sony punya shop. there and then, i fell in love with....

Sony Bloggie PM5K:D

Lawa ahhhhh :) it costs under 200 pounds, about 140 kali..i want it straightaway..

well..not really plang, i was just amazed yg they created something specifically for people yg baru2 kan bervlog and keen youtubers like moi :)

This one mcm toy rasanya..i asked the guy if i can hold it, he kluarkan this one and another version of the bloggie, the MHS-CM5 one..

They are both very light- nda byk the difference between this version and the other one..major difference, yg PM5K doesn't hve optical zoom- digital zoom saja..meanwhile this one, ada 5x optical zoom. Yg calinya, this version is cheaper than the PM5k coz i think its a bit more bulky, its not slim like a flip.

Tbh i'm new to all this - i'm not really a gadget person, BUT i'm ready to make an exception hahaha i think finally having an iPod opens me up to all these technology...i had my first iPod last year, in december and even then pun, i didn't have any intentions to have it - it was a gift :D thank you schtinks

anyways, pokoknya, i'm actually contemplating on whether i should purchase one or not..mcm i would love to have on, before summer comes so that i can take lots and lots of videos of home and aussie maybe..

I can still make videos using my iPod and digital camera..and even my phone...so i think i can sabar until next academic year :) mudah2an tah buleh sabar hahaha..

I can see the world with that kind of money.. belayar kah or video? i wish i can have both-- tapinya i alrdy kinda blew up my funds this year dgn membeli nintendo dsi..mental ku when nintendo came up with nintendo xl..mcm nda batah durang introduced the dsi, ada tia lagi yg baru..

on that note, i don't really use my nintendo dsi nowadays..its kinda redundant when im at home, kalau travelling , bru tah i use it a lot..i'm thinking of re-selling it, sbabnya a) i don't really use it now and b) mahal the games..

but if i do that-- i think my sisters would axe me...c alai lah most probably :)

anyways, guess what..i haven't done a single thing or read anything..

arghhh mental ku...penyakit malas dtg kembali..

maybe i should start packing instead..

Salam :)

Sebenarnya..

2010-04-15T00:39:00.002+01:00

i'm such a lame and 'sekadar...' person, it ain't funny hahahah okay fine..it is funny :)

i'm in love with.....

youtube!!!!

*awkward silence & lots of 'what?!?' *

i know i'm weird..i've accepted that fact, since i was like 12 yrs old? lama dah tu...

mcm fb jua, ramai jua yg addicted to youtube..mcm2 bah kan di liat which provides us lots of reasons not to do our work :) melalaikan tah banar youtube ani sebenarnya..so i'm not the only one with a crush on youtube!!

i always been a person yg slalu visualised stuffs in my head- mcm if i read a book/novel, i would read about 3 lines or at most a paragraph, then i would take about 5/10 minutes imagining those lines being said (complete dgn costume2nya, background2nya sekali)..then bru tah move on-- youtube helps me to visualise things better, esp with poems kdg2..

there's always ppl reading out some poems on youtube..i love it :) sanang lagi my work..i would have my texts open and replay those videos over and over again..

hahaha i sound mcm i don't have a life over here :p

my life, as i said before is basically uni and home- thrown in with International society duties and occasional outings (dinner, bowling, movies, short trips) with my friends here..kdg2 if malas kn kluar, ask the guys to come over for a game of cards or liat movie...hehehe they always come if kami promise them food..ani pun, i still need to invite ppl for lunch or dinner hmm nanti tah make time for them..

anyways my happy energy is all gone now..ngalih ku plang..arghhh i need to do serious revision by this weekend or else, i'm so screwed...

ooo confession time :)

2010-04-15T00:32:00.002+01:00

i'm seriously in love masa ani...

i've known about it pulang, for a very2 long time but mcm, i'm in denial about it..

baru recently saja, after kana enforced bravis, baru tah i'm ready to accept that fact..

when i was travelling last time, bila sendiri2, on the coach or train..thats all i think about, daydreaming tah ku nah..thinking of all the possibilities..

:D it makes me happy-- makes me a more positive person..

the sky is the limit..

gilerrr confession bah..

hmmm it must be the latest episode of Glee that makes me all giddy and happy and emo hahahah..is this emo kan?

i call this me being honest with myself :) the first step of realizing you have a problem is by accepting or acknowledging that you have a problem..

so this is my problem..

i'm in love and i think always will be :) (always was? what?! ) hahaah

Salam :)

marah ku

2010-04-14T00:37:00.003+01:00

Hari ani - rasa kan smacking bah ia punya face..seriously, saya bukan orang yg mental like that but ulahnya atu membagi orang marah saja. Regret ku agree kan tinggal serumah dgn ia ani, luan offensive bah ia tu..dari the first day dah. masa mula2, truk nie truk..lapas tu masa xmas n sblum easter okay ia..ani mcm apa ulahnya. aku decide utk stay d bilik ku pun jadi masalah baginya...andang jua ia tau atu yg aku memang suka stay n bljr di bilik, nda ku dpt blajr d bawh arh bilik tamu mcm ia..atu satu ah, lapas tu...ntah sasak kali ia, coz aku ckp aku broke dah but aku masih kn planning kan travelling..nda tau apa yg trigger ia, ia give me the cold shoulder dah..not that i care but ia nda bothr pun to hide, dapan2..yg mcm i told ia yg im going home awal so mcm party perpisahan utk my other teman serumah had to be before i leave..lapas tu tarus ia ckp, nya perfect timing tu nya aftr that utk parti drumah yg besar2an..jaling2 lagi tu..atuuuuu...

ia slalu put dirinya above orang lain-- kalau aku sedih or crying about ani kah atu..caranya mengcomfort nah, critanya pasal ia ani kuat..nda pernah give up bla bla bla..kirakan saying aku nie weak lah nie, stupid kah..coz fikir like that..nda ku tau how ia mcm ani ulahnya..hmm pokoknya i'm a spoiled scholarship brat from ia punya eyes..

bila im all marah2 like this, mcm2 bad things kluar tu..but everytime i do it, Alhamdulillah kana bagi jua kesdaran that biarkan tia like that..if aku mcm atu pun, curse ia apa pun..sama tah tu me and ia..kana remindkan that bersabar saja, yg penting i know what my niat is and i know who i am. to ia, i'm no fun sbab i tak minum...i am no fun, sbab i tak freely cuba2 try dadah like ia..to ia, i'm such an anti-soc sbab i jarang kn ke club2s ani..

yg sedihnya i have to tinggal dgn ia lagi tahun dpan, coz akhir dah for aku to try cari tempat tinggal lain tahun dpn..right now, i want to make myself busy dgn work- exam prep..supaya nda time to layn ia and ulah2nya..

biarkan tia it seems as if aku kerugian in ia punya mata..i rather kerugian now, than kerugian waktu akhirat nanti. i seriously pcaya aftr kitani graduate, kami nda lagi kawan..biarkan tia, nda rugi not having orang mcm ia sbgai kawn..

Tulips

2010-04-10T13:18:00.003+01:00

I just abis editing the last of our Turkey videos-- i wish i had more, especially for masa we were in Hagia Sophia and the Grand Bazaar :( if i could turn back time, i would go back and record it hahaha but nda apa lah, Alhamdulillah jua dapat merecord our trip on my iPod.

Masa editing the 2nd last one, about a day ago, I found out something amazing about Istanbul :) something to do with my favourite flower in the whole wide world hahaha-- ubah tia? Tulip ani is a symbol of Istanbul, patut tah byk around the city..I feel so content now, i've been to two places yg put tulip above the rose. Istanbul & Holland :D

When i was younger, I realised that all the cliche love stories slalu involve kan bunga mawar and i was like 'eww, apakan lawanya bunga ani? labih jua eh..' haha I literally fikir like that and decided I am never going to like roses sbab smua orang sudah suka and mcm nda special. That is when i first knew about tulips :)

I found out that the Dutch used to sell tulips during their Imperial days-- and that it is quite a money-making flower. Tulip ani so regal and byk the history that i decided that whilst other girls go crazy over roses, I will love Tulip instead.

Iatah masa atu in Holland, iski ku kan meliat...duii bukan masanya, this Easter time ani bru tah lots of Tulip fields comes to life. This is especially true arh the Keukenhof garden-- nanti tah, bila berezki, berjalan ke sana :)

Ani kan ke uni ku ehh..boring ku di rumah ani, and oh its been super summer-y di Cornwall for the past 3 days i've been back..iatah me & my housemate joking that maybe im bringing the sun back to fal

lots of love,

Salam :)

P/s

2010-04-09T19:26:00.003+01:00

I forgot to include tadi that despite everything ( which usually comes down to financial issues), i have no regrets :D no regrets about going to Turkey, London, Portsmouth & Oxford :) i thoroughly enjoyd my short vacation..Alhamdulillah i get to reconnect dgn kengkawan lama yg sangat dirindui sebabnya jarang berabis berjumpa..but now its back to reality!!!

mesti start revising tah nie..esuk Insyallah kan ke library and get everything sorted out :D

Easter blues

2010-04-09T18:55:00.002+01:00

i'm broke :( and its only like a week into april arghhh...baru saja check my account tadi, my duit byk lari ke makanan, transport and top-up o2 arghhh...this is what London does to you! esp. if ur like me, iski sana sini sbab jarang ke London or any city, that is...

I still got money but that is for rent and a little bit of money in my savings account..nda buleh touch tu, i already felt bad coz i used up half of my savings dah for last xmas holiday..hmm..and i thought i would be better with money, this year. Everything looks promising awal2 last year atu, but now..arghhh selalu nie, after Easter, broke tia ku like last year.

Ireland costs a fortune-- our Turkish trip is actually the cheapest i ever spent on my holidays so far~ hmmm...ada same time, i'm like..'nda apa, bukan kau selalu ke bla bla bla'..but then ada jua rasa guilty, krang my parent tanya tu about my savings.

Planning kan go somewhere before balik Brunei, but if like this, payh nie...jgn tah kali kemana2 before balik, though its tempting to do so-- planning kan ke Milan or Berlin...bukan rezki kali, liat lah how it goes.

pokoknya, until May comes, no shopping ( not even grocery shopping, i just went to ASDA today and spent my last few pounds on milk, egg and bread) and no travelling around even though plymouth, exeter and liverpool are calling my name :(...

My dad lagi kan minta balikan kasut-- mesti save nie, nanti tah di Brunei or Aussie bersuka-ria hahaha probably spend it all on food :D

2010-04-02T22:49:00.002+01:00

I just came back from Istanbul ( which isn't the capital of Turkey cough*milin*cough :p) about a day ago :D

I am not ready to blog about it yet, because that would mean me accepting the fact that it is over and that i'm no longer there..so yes, i am in denial atm. i will blog it when i'm ready to move on hahaha

Woke up at 8ish at Azizi's place, then Zee and me made our way to Bhall coz i have to pack my stuffs to go to portsmouth today to visit my cousin, Kajah diana. i went to her place last xmas break, for about 3 days and 2 nights..i didn't get to see much then coz it was too cold and i was sick at that time. After 3 months of not seeing each other, Zee and I were reunited at Oodles noodle at Bayswater :) i love her to bits...she makin lawa, banarrrrr-- i'm not patronising or what, but its true...i still wish we went to the same uni..i hope she still wish that hahahah

I think i'm coming down with something because i been coughing since morning and i just feel sleep all the time-- i blame it on the weather! anyways walked from southsea to my cousin's place at portsmouth harbour tadi..it was a good, relaxing and beautiful walk despite the cold..i got to see the mini fun fair at clarence pier, which is located arh old portsmouth area. it is so americana - but i like it :)

I am supposed to leave for london esuk, but kaka asked me to stay a day longer so i'm going back sunday saja..then i'm leaving london for cornwall wed morning..its kinda early for me to go but i don't know what i will do in london, with everyone gone back to their respective places to revise for exams. so i'm going back earlier than i want to..i might go to plymouth and exeter, before uni resumes and easter break ends..actually kan i wanted to go to liverpool but coz megha can't afford it, we hve to postpone it..

hmm..next destination? spain, prague or italy :) the only place i ever want to go in Spain is Granada where Alhambra and Andalusia is located..meanwhile for Italy, it is Florence :D and Rome come second.. Prague is in the card because of no particular reasons..

i'm not making much sense in this blog because im still super tired and sleepy-- my coach journey was terrribleeee...a screaming baby for the whole 3 hours..arghhh it was super painful seriously..and i thought having toddlers chasing each other on the plane on our flight back to UK was annoying, this screaming baby managed to prove me wrong..

state of mind: i am actually considering what my Babu said to me - Babu, if ada takdir & jodoh, Insyallah ada tu and yes, i will accept it with an open heart and mind..

okay, might go shopping di gun wharf quays esuk..i want to get sme paperchase and possibly a new pair of earrings or something..i am tempted to get new flats but i bought 2 pair of shoes already last year..i need to get a new pair of mac jacket before balik Brunei for summer since the one i have now is falling into pieces..

hmmmm...last month, i went to his place -- gilaaaa..basar rumahnya and pretty jauh from Penryn-- he's so adorable, bru bangun tidur and he complimented me on my tshirt *blush* my housemates plang iski when i told them i got invited to their place, for an after-essays informal gathering :D they know that i had a massive crush on him in my first year & that i can't breathe everytime i see him hahahaha but that was like old story lah..i still think he's cute but i'm not interested in hm that way..i never did to be honest, he isn't my type in terms of personality and ia ada gf bahh..

knapa tia i'm talking about him ani? ohh ohhh i also had this all-girls night-in sleepover at Addy's place, the night after we handed in our last 2 essays :D i seriously thought we are gonna watch one of those cheesy teen movies but nahhh, we watched the reader--- gila, how serious can we be? it was sad and disturbing - didn't like it that much..we ordered Indian food and hahahah stayed up til 5 am bercerita padahal we have class at 12 that day..kami mcm zombie msa lecture and we all felt sick..hahaha it was so funny and to make it worse, we had a seminar from 3-5 pm that day, so me and kat stayed at uni from 11 plus til 5..ndakan menyiksa tu? we had fun lahh hehehe

2010--wow..

2010-03-12T13:24:00.000Z

This might be a bit late. Actually it is super late because its been 2 months, since 2010 started. So yes, this is a late entry. I been updating my blogspot but not here --- no one really use multiply nowadays, i mean, not that i know of.

What triggered this sudden need for an update are my friend's pictures of her welcoming 2010, in London. I always wanted to celebrate my new year in a big city - just a change of scenery, from the usual family bbqs we had back home (Not that i don't love this annual thing we do :) ). In my first year of uni, I went to London only for 3 days during my christmas break. the rest i spent in cornwall- in my room, all alone in the flat. I mean i do hang-out often with Felix & Robert, but the fact is that i'm away from my close buddies from home. they were either in London, travelling or went bck home for the holidays.

But Alhamdullilah, last christmas break, I was in Den Haag in Holland with one of my closest bestest buddy, Xera :). I have two buddies, by the same name, whom i am close to..and i truly wish that Zee can come too..how awesome would that be? but yea anyways, it was the first holiday i had with a friend from back home :) my Irish trip were with friends i made in Uni (who im still close to btw). We spent about 10 days in Holland- staying at my uncle and aunt's place in Den Haag and oh yes, we went to Amsterdam twice-- and fell in love with patat orloog which is a dutch food. Basically, its chips drowned in mayo and satay sauce, topped with diced onions :D its awesommmeee...

We got so hooked to it, it's not even funny-- Our New year's eve, Aunty ana made one of my fav dishes made by her, mussels cooked in dill sauce :) she also made sambal terung which is grrrreat..basically, i got to eat all those familiar dishes whilst we were there..the only downside of our trip was that it was FREEZING cold, Holland was covered in snow..it melted a few days before we were to go back to UK..but other than that, snow made it difficult for us to walk around easily..i'm still not used to the weather here, i detest it tbh..i like a cool breeze but not chilly - something..

Uncle wanted to bring us to the city, to watch fireworks but we don't have to..since they live in a posh-ish suburban place,we get to watch fireworks really close and for free :D all the neighbouring houses were filled with families and like we do it back home, they all got their own fireworks ready :D it was awesome..

The next day, 1st of January 2010, we went back to UK..it was sad really, coz we gotten so close to all my cousins & aunty & uncle over the 10 days..but yes, i will see them Insyallah when i and them go back to Brunei for the summer holidays.

I am going away to Turkey Insyallah on the 29th march with a group of friends from back home :) i'm super excited about this and at the same time, anxious. i just hope no one would successfully mugged me (the stories that travellers tell- check out travelpod), all my belongings i acquired thru halal way so Insyallah, nothing will get nicked.

for now, i have to do 4000 word essay by next saturday..then i have a presentation next tuesday :) my life is fabolous, don't u think?

lots of love,

Atiqah Fariz

hmm

2010-01-20T18:07:00.002Z

Yes, I am upset & disappointed with my essays. Just got them back this morning and it kinda ruined my whole day. No wonder my heart was beating so fast tadi when I was walking towards the English office. I should have known.

But entah ah, like what i wrote arh the pseudo-modernist 'poem' just now, all I can do really is cry over it for awhile, take a step back and analyse where I went wrong then do something about it and don't let these pessimistic, dark clouds hovers above my head. Though this is easier written than done, it is not impossible.

I feel a lot better honestly. Sometimes you just have to get all the frustrations & negativity off your chest. I finally did that.

I have a presentation next week and two essays due within 2 weeks time. Its only my first week and I am already drowning in work.

sigh

I'm just really bersyukur that i'm still here to improve myself. this year Insyallah i will improve the other areas of my life jua :)

just some ol' plain painful truth

2010-01-20T17:53:00.001Z

It’s difficult.

The road that I have chosen to follow is difficult.

I used to think that I have what it takes

I used to think I was that good of a writer or essayist

I took Elite for four years straight

I thought my skills would be up to par now

But I was wrong

I don’t know how to go about this

Its not that I don’t seek help

Its not that I don’t make effort

I did

But it seems like I don’t have it

Some people can write overnight brilliantly

But I can’t even manage a 2:2 even after 3 weeks of preparation

Some people thought its easy

After all, it is a bachelor of arts.

How hard could it be, compare to other science courses?

But it is hard.

Maybe it is because I don’t have such skills that I am struggling.

Maybe I am not Elite enough because seriously people who do elite are mostly cultured & well off

Sometimes I just want to call my parent and tell them I am leaving,

Sometimes I feel like emailing my tutor to tell him I had enough,

Sometimes everything just seems too much to handle,

But whenever these thoughts runs through my mind,

Whatever is left of my faith in myself fights back,

And reminded me that I worked hard to be where I am today,

That my parent sacrificed a lot for me to be here,

Hmmm….

I am back to square one now.

I been struggling to keep my head above the water since the day I entered high school.

It was always a struggle to get the grades that I wanted, to be able to please my dad.

I never stop struggling until today.

I know I have the intelligence, but it always seems like I am not as good as other people

I used to dream of being a top student in my course, of getting first -class essays

You might think I am being dramatic, after all I did pass right?

It is never about passing essays, its about being able to write down your views

Its about being able to voice out your opinions coherently

In Literature, there is no right or wrong.

Just the ability to successfully argue your case

Its about being able to justify your points

Most of all it is about showing off your knowledge

Showing how aware one is of the different literary movements

Which always most certainly relates back to history and politics

English literature used to be only for the upper class,

Maybe I am not cultured enough

Hmmm…

Despite my lack of faith in my own ability

I know that I just have to keep trying

Finding ways to truly improve whatever skills I have

Even if I fail to achieve the 2:1 or First,

At least I know that I did all the best I can

All I want is to be able to make myself proud

As silly as that sounds.

More updates :)

2009-12-20T16:07:00.003Z

Alhamdulillah first term is OVER :D gembira rasanya..Now its time for a bit of reflection as to what happened & what I did:

a) My first term as the International Soc Co-chair :D very stressful coz have to pikirkan pasal funding, events n like how to get this & that..apatah lagi if mcm not everyone is willing to help out.

I'm hoping Insyallah more plans can be materialised next term,the most important thing i have to belajar is STUDIES COMES FIRST..and that a good leader delegate their workload..that's the point of having a committee in the first place.

b) Living in a proper home now kinda teaches me that kesabaran itu penting disamping being considerate jua arh other ppl. mesti pandai berjimat cermat esp. when it comes to electricity.

c) I'm closer to my friends on my course now than last year..i guess its nothing unusual..but yea, i'm glad we still are. my seminar groups this term were less happening like last time but its okay, as long as i have ppl that i know of in it, i'm cool :)

d) I didn't go anywhere this term- NOT even London-- NOT ONCE :) Achievement tu for me..I just went to Plymouth like once.

e) What I don't like about this term is that I jarang contact with kengkawan dari Brunei..its really really bad and i feel awful for not being in contact :( I'm hoping to catch up with everyone over xmas break & hopefully it would be just like ol' times..I CANT WAIT TO SEE DURANGGGG :D

f) LIFE GOES ON. -- I learned that the hard way but yes, it does goes on..despite all the things that happend to me, I shouldn't pause too long..

We had a christmas dinner before Anna (my other housemate) balik ke Poland for the xmas break, it was great..Anna invited kengkwannya from Poland,Finland etc over..I didn't stick too long downstairs coz kan i got essay due the next morning n i haven't siapkan it eeeks so like i stayed for dinner & having conversations with lots more unexpected guests, then off to my room..i didn't sleep til 4 am then wake up at 6 am to do more editing..my last week 2 weeks were fair to say, so hectic and crazyyyyyyy....

I had my presentation- about how the concept of a separate Male and Female Gothic helps us to contextualise our understanding of Matthew Lewis's The Monk..:D we all had to do presentations once in our seminar group and I chose to do this because I LOVE GOTHIC LITERATURE :) I did an essay about Female Gothic in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein & Du Maurier's Rebecca last year and i scored my highest mark yet :)

Anyways I prepared a lot for it tapinya kan i got essay due in the same week, so i had to do some last-min tweaking for it..it didn't start out right coz the whole process of setting-up my laptop took time ( much to the ire of my seminar leader) but then when i started it, i received a number of agreeing nods from her so i think i did well..*mudah2an tah jua*..

Then off to the 2nd essay, due the next monday..it was crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..i seriously felt like giving up sebabnya i also got another presentation due then..*TOINGGGGG* But Alhamdulillah, walaupun i babbled a little during my last presentation, it seems to be okay. I seriously don't care by then..i was like 'okay, lets get this over & done with'..

My last seminar took place from 10.30-12.30 on the 18th dec-- I felt kinda sad when my seminar leader said we are half-way through our 2nd year and thru our degree. walaupun when you think about it, its not really accurate to say that but you get what i mean..Its so surreal that i'm in my second year of Uni udah, that soon enough Insyallah, i will graduate then work for a living..

It would also mean leaving the 'life' i kinda set for myself over here & back to reality( not that reality is any harsh, i actually miss reality)..not being able to go to Rowe's for a cheese & onion pasty when i felt like it, not being able to walk to the beach when the sun's out, not being able to complain on how cold and wet the UK is..hmm most importantly, not being able to see the friends i made here so easily anymore..

I think for now..its best for me to not think about that now..I need to enjoy whatever time i have now to do those things that i will miss. Hmm..I really want to do myself justice with my studies..I seriously would like to get more 2:1 or even 1 class essay..i been getting lots of 2:2 and one 2:1 which really frustrates me..

Insyallah tahun hadapan, i will show myself that i'm capable of writing essays and arguments that I can be proud of :)

Oh oh i got myself a nintendo dsi :) FINALLY..I always wanted eithr ds or psp but Alhamdulillah this time around, kana bagi green light by my parent so i bought a second-hand one off ebay..its cheaper than d Brunei jua so yes thats my treat for myself ..i hope i don't spend too much on my Holland trip & then London & Portsmouth and yes, BRISTOL :D Zee, you were and still are the only one yg sanggup visited me jauh di Cornwall, so i'm paying you a visit in return and because DUHHH I MISS YOU LOTS.

Bah panjang nieee..hehehe Insyallah updates for my trip in 3 weeks time? :)

Happy New Year 2010 and i don't think its too late to say, SELAMAT TAHUN BARU HIJRAH 1431 :)

It's been sooooo long :D

2009-11-11T17:41:00.002Z

Ola :)

Lama dah nda ku meliat and mengupdate my blog ani...nda jua orang mengfollow kan :p anyways, my last post was about 1 month plus ago..

I'm back in Cornwall now..Falmouth to be exact and I'm in a new house now..

Kadang2 nda ngam rasanya dgn housemate ku..sorang atu mcm slalu put dirinya above semua orang, suka membesar-besarkan kesilapan orang..selalu set dirinya mcm good example lah kirakan..hmm..ntah ah..rasanya nda ku mau tinggal dgn ia tahun dapan..mcm I really don't need to tinggal with orang mcm atu..

Calinya aku ani kana label as immature, naive, kanak2 oleh durang..hmm..the thing is that yes im naive but hey, im learning..its not that sengaja like that..hmm ntah lah..

like orang slalu ckp, u wouldnt know sifat orang atu til u tinggal together..

anyways..

im over ia :D yay~ its like my eyes were open to how a jerk he was and still is..so Alhamdulilah, no more unwanted, stupid dramas..

Mty life is pretty boring, on a whole.. - uni, home, uni, home, uni -- on repeat for the last one month & a half..I mean I did went out here and there, but mostly for international society's events or meetings..some dinners, some lunch, some afternoon tea..that's it..

I want to watch a movie, go somewhere for a break n stuffs..sadly nada danganku..

they don't faham yg i spent my 3 months with the family..taking care of this and that, circumstances nda mengizinkan for me to truly enjoy n treat myself..my summer to-do list, only one i got to do..thus, i deserve to treat myself here..i worked hard for the scholarship, i worked hard since primary like every MS-ians I know..

so to those yg nda faham2 atu. yg fikir 'oh ur so lucky..' bla bla bla..yg slalu rub in how they can manage going to uni di luar negeri without scholarship bla bla bla and always kn buat orang feel bad for them.. back off!!! I'm not rich either, but that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy my time here..

* so sorry..im just really stressed out with my teman serumah (hahahaa bida translation ah)..sasak ku sometimes, i nda suka confrontation so slalunya i just stay in my room n do my thing..

i miss Zee :( and Xer..

i miss London

i miss Annie

3 lil kids

2009-08-29T17:23:00.005+01:00

L to R: Abang Anaqi, Adik Anaqin & Baby Aneeza :) @ my nini's place..

'Apakan bunyi atu ka?' - Baby points to the forest, near my grandparent's house di kampong.

Before I can even answer her... 'Bunyi ambuk kan tu ka?' Ia suka makan kanak2 gauk kan tu ka'

Hahaha..I tried to not laugh, at her 'wild' imagination which 10 minutes later, somehow jadi like a story tia plang...

She said that the ambuk basar suka kanak2 gauk yg balum mandi and that we have to hide in my nini's place because if not, the ambuk will get to her and destroy rumah my nini.

Hahahaha she was 3 coming to 4 in a couple of days when she told me this story of the ambuk that lives around my nini's house and conveniently, at the back of my house. :)

Anaqi & Baby and the blue blurry figure is Anaqin :)

Aneeza or Baby is one of my three little cousins that cme back from Holland for the summer-- they are precious :) and very affectionate...

They lived arh my nini's place for about 2 weeks, since my nini laki sakit tenat and even after he passed away. At night, there a lot of other kids/cousins who can entertain them but in the morning, once they bangun tidur, they will run to my house and bawa me main.

Hahaha i was actually living in fear, every morning :p the thing is they can play for hours and seriously, my house nada banyak mainan..they kept asking me why nda byk toys in my house and i told them we are all kinda grown-up now...

Adik or Anaqin is a fav among all my cousins...he got soft, curly hair and dimples on his cheeks :) and yes a killer, mischevious smile that is always there..he's 5 and loves to jump on people...ohhh he loves to kiss people too :) i heart him..their abang is Anaqi who prior to Holland, is quite shy and doesn't really speak much...now he's as charming as his younger brother..

Anyways i feel like blogging about them because i think i will and i know i will miss them once they go back to Holland this wednesday..They said goodbye today at my nini's place..they went home to KB last monday, after my uncle left Brunei earlier to get back to work. It was kinda sad to see my nini having to say goodbye to her fav cucus( well i think they are since they are my uncle's children -- my uncle is the youngest so yea..hee..), knowing that she will only be able to see them again next summer Insyallah.

But Insyallah for me, I will be able to see them this xmas break...My uncle & aunt had been asking me and my cousin to visit them in Den Haag or the Hague since they first came last april. so I will be visiting them for the first time this december :) Yay~ Holland here I come :)

p/s: i know how to sing happy bday in dutch now :) thanks to my little cousins

tonyte

2009-08-19T15:33:00.003+01:00

Just cme back from a doa tahlil at my tangah's house in Lambak.

It wasn't bad or annoying as I thought it would be.

You see the thing with gatherings esp. when my mum isn't here is that some aunties can be soooo penyibuk and kdg2 luan kan menyuruh itu ani.

Maybe I have lots of 'caring' aunties but most of the time, they just annoys me with their kepo'ness and perhaps i'm paranoid, but they kinda always seem to wanna minimise whatever achievement you have so that their own kids won't look bad in comparison. hahahah what a long sentence but devil may care..

maybe I am the only one yg ada aunties like these...oh well..not all aunties are bad.

I simply love some of my aunties,,aunties that were esssential part of my growing up whilst my mum n dad took turn to further their education overseas..

but yes no one will love me as much as my parent loves me...hmm...I think my parent do love me ..hmm..should i ask them?:p...nahhh..they definitely loves me..at least i can be sure that there's 2 ppl in this world who loves me unconditionally..:)

Hahaha anyways, so tonight i got to see cousins from my mum's side..I used to be totally close to all of them growing up but since we moved to Tutong, its definitely hard to hang out with them like we used to when we're kids. I get to manja2 with a number of nieces n nephews..hahah yes, im the one yg manja2 with them..I love it when kids come to you n just be totally comfy with you despite them having met you probably once or twice in a year hehee...

In comparison to my cousins balah my dad, my cousins yg mum's side rarely asks me about me being in uk n my experiences so far..i guess they aren't bothered. When i first pergi ke uk, no one from my mum's side went to hantar me...except for zee's mum which doesn't really count as she was seeing off zee. They did call to say goodbye and I kinda understand why they cnt make it...most of my relatives buat biscuits during puasa so i think they were busy making cookies masa that time.

I have nothing more to say lah than that...

it's scary how distant i already am from some cousins who i practically grew up and play with..i do miss them but they are no longer the same. I don't share their life anymore, neither do they.

hmmm...let's see...anyways im so knackered..arghhh...

what's been going on

2009-08-19T11:27:00.002+01:00

This is so typical me. Hangat2 tahi ayam, it seems. I think i had three futile attempts at this blogging thing. My last entry was probably about 2 weeks ago or more...eeeks..

I had been 'hiding' in my kampong for about a week plus and so...and it feels like years to be honest...

My grandpa passed away on the 8th august in his home, in Tutong. We had been at his side for three days straight since he decided not to stay in the hospital anymore. He had a liver cirrohsis and suffered for 3 months before he passed away.

I knew something was wrong before I went back home. Out of the blue, my dad ( who rarely calls) called and said my grandpa wants to talk to me. This was in late may and people back home never really updates me with anything. That call bothered me a lot.

Since I came back last June, I only had proper light-hearted conversation with my grandpa about twice or thrice. After that, he went in and out of the hospital.

It is hard to see him all withered up and always in constant pain. Even the slightest movement could trigger such pain in him. This was the grandpa that send us to surau every friday for mengaji, the grandpa that always told us to study hard, the grandpa that seriously drives like he's in his twenties and yes, he's my fav.

We ( me and my cousins) had been reciting Yassin around the clock and we were sitting in my grandparent's living room, not far from my grandpa who had not been able to get up for days. People had been streaming in and out of the house, giving respects and reciting prayers. It was nearly 12 am when we finally had a chance to rest, I just closed my eyes for a little while. When I suddenly woke up around 1 plus, my mum seem to panic and told all of us to wake up and gather around my grandpa. I was still in dazed, like mimpi masih rasanya. My mum's sobbing was so distracting that I couldn't really process what was going on and then when they tested whether he was still breathing: It hit me real hard. That was it.

We were up from 1 plus onwards until the burial ceremony and sampai the tahlil event during the night. We did not mind it.

The scariest event of my life ever is the burial. This might sound morbid but it is the freaking truth: the moment they bury you, that is it. All that you could depend on is your amal ibadat and doas from your families. Again, tears won't stop flowing.

This is my therapy. I don't like burying things or feelings...I let it all out so that I won't overblow one day.

This ramadhan is going to be a tough one and raya too...but we are all pitching in to make my nini bini less sedih. I can't even begin to imagine the pain she's going through, but she was so calm that subuh.

I think I will be okay...we will be okay. Amin.

Al-Fatihah to my nini laki, Hj Umar bin Nayan.

yada yada yada

2009-08-03T14:34:00.003+01:00

I realised I haven't updated my blog for like 2 weeks now--

Not that there's not a lot going on....too much going on that I just have to put a 'be right back' sign on my blog..

I really don't want to talk in details as to what's been bothering me lately..

Death had been bothering me lately...annoyingly peeking its head into my life, playing a game or two..it's inevitable i know but i choose to be in denial of it..for this particular moment..

My only happy source: my mum is back from aussie..hearing what happened to my nini, she took the nxt flight home (kinda..) and yea she's here now...i cherish every seconds i get to spend with her now because it would be a really really long time until i get to see her after this...next easter or maybe next summer coz our holidays doesn't clash...

and oh a close friend told me i'm pretty insensitive to other people's feelings...mcm kana stabbed bah my heart ahh...maybe i'm a bit different now, maybe it seems its always about me but hey, to say that i'm self-centred is just soooo mean and wrong and untrue..what does he know kan?

maybe i get sick of ppl walking all over me, trampling my emotions and taking a mickey out of my intentions..i'm not saying i'm a very good girl yg kana victimised saja but the truth is...sometimes one have to put one's interest or feelings above others...ndakan kan please ppl saja and refuse yourself some well-deserved happiness..eeeee...mental ku...

i like it when ppl are honest with me but i so don't appreciate it when you said it, but doesn't wish to explain where exactly did i go wrong...how can i learn to correct myself ,when you don't bother to show me where my flaws are located exactly?

eeeeeeeee....sasak ku...apparently i'm self-centred for not want to layan him talk about how much i changed, how much diff i am from this one particular relative and of how i'm being insensitive for saying that i don't enjoy his fav. movie...arghhhh..

seriously we are having one communication breakdown...

i hope this doesn't last because i already reserved a spot for him on my 'friends for keeps' list and i dont want to see seven years of somewhat tense friendship goes down the drain...

oooo takoyaki :D

2009-07-23T14:35:00.004+01:00

Had sushi tadi..nyaman..but now terseliur tia plang kn makan takoyaki.. :D nyaman tu, murah lagi tu~ If i'm not mistaken, 5 takoyaki for B$2 kali kana jual d The Mall. Dulu ada jua kana jual d Hua Hao Manggis mall, but i'm not sure if masih ada..

According to Wikipedia ( don't say anything :p), Takoyaki is a popular Japanese dumpling made of batter, diced or whole baby octopus, tempura scraps (tenkasu), pickled ginger, and green onion, topped with okonomiyaki sauce, green laver (aonori), mayonnaise, and katsuobushi (fish shavings). Nyamannnnnnnn~ mental ehh, mcm org preggers tia plang kn terseliur atu and ani..tsk tsk tsk ia tah membagi org gain weight nie..nda apa, d uk, blum ku tjmpa takoyaki...maybe i should do some research :D pic courtesy of http://www.library.thinkquest.org/

Anyways satu lagi aku kecarian tadi, Okonomiyaki which is Japanese pancake-- i think its a bit like Korean pancake, Pajeon. I had one arh Yo Sushi di Bull ring, Birm and i think they also serve it arh Paddington station..waaaaahh, very lah nice..but it's quite expensive, i honestly don't remember how much it was..more or less 5 pounds for a small Okonomiyaki~

Sebenarnya kan most of these food, dpt dibuat sendiri...ganya malas kn mencari bahan, membali bahan n do the rest..lagi sanang, walaupun mahal, if di bali tah saja..hahah nda plang bagus philosophy begini ani, but since we are uni students, faham2 sajalah..byk kali ah kraja kn d buat, fikir main2 kah? :p heeehhe...well my 1st year was a bit relaxxxxx plang~ i'm so scared now of starting my 2nd year, mesti hectic banar nie nanti..( Pic of Okonomiyaki courtesy of beyondboulder -->)

Ystdy i was salivating over some mexican dishes..now it's makanan Jepun :D..They love their seafood..mcm org mexican love their avocadoes..hehe..

anyways we are suppose to be on our way back to Tutong now..but ntah late as usual kali which is so not good because everyone feels crappy..

i.heart.seth :p

2009-07-23T10:24:00.006+01:00

I HAVE A MASSIVE CRUSH ON SETH ROGEN..

He's funny, cute in a nerdy way & got such an attractive laugh :)

He's like a teddybear..haha a Canadian one that is..

He's not Rob P or Brad P, but i think he got his own look..and besides, he's super-talented..he doesn't just act, he co-write and co-directed movies too..

Anyways hehe just being random..I haven't seen pineapple express or zack & miri yet though..i will so put that in my must-watch list for cuti yg terlalu panjang ani :p

I'm cravingggg.....

2009-07-22T07:40:00.004+01:00

Here's the deal: i want to eat mexican food..but i'm not sure if there's any restaurant in Brunei that serves them. so hehe i plan to eat them when i'm in London this september :) and decided to do a little research ( in terms of menus that is). Xer mentioned to me beforehand that Las iguanas is superb and I heard Oscar is amazing too..so i look both of them up and gilaaa meleleh-leleh my air liur just looking at their menu..yum yum..i decided that the moment i arrived in london, i'm so going to Oscar at bayswater or if sanggup, ke Las Iguanas dakat soho..siapa mau danikan? ;p i only had veggie tortillas and fajitas and quesadillas..i wanna try the chimichangas and halal chicken fajitas if ada..

since september lama lagi, i have to try to curb my craving dgn meliat gambr2 mexican food d internet-- :p

<---- Chimichangas :D yum yum kan? (this pic is courtesy of iamevil.zip.net)..Chimichangas, according to Wikipedia, "is is a deep-fried burrito that is popular in Southwestern cuisine, Tex-Mex cuisine, and the Mexican states of Sinaloa [1] and Sonora.[2][3] The dish is typically prepared by filling a flour tortilla with a wide range of ingredients, most commonly beans, rice, cheese, ground beef, shredded beef, carne adobada, or shredded chicken, and folding it into a rectangular package. It is then deep-fried and may be accompanied with salsa, guacamole, sour cream and/or cheese". Nyaman bunyinya ahhh~ sia-sia pun..

and then how about some enchiladas? yum yum (the pic is courtesy of ww.taqueriasarandas.com)..enchiladas ( again according to Wiki hee) is "a corn tortilla rolled around a filling and covered with a chili pepper sauce".

yes, i meant to bagi org lain terseliur jua hahahha nda bah, i think ada kali the bahan2 berjual di supasave but mahal kn mati wah durang atu..malas tah ku unless sudah nda tahan craving ani..

Hummus last time i bought dsana for a small tub is like a 5-ver. mental..d uk 89p yg ASDA punya, bargain bravis...i guess since they are like the sole supplier of the product here , its easy for supasave to sell it at such a price.. actually Hummus pun buleh buat sendiri bah..hmmm nanti tah memikirkan if i really wanna make my own.

argghhh..if its not obvious already, i'm hungry. with all the wonderful food out there, why oh why, there's only noodles and eggs at home? heeee nda apa, Alhamdulilah jua..baik jua ada makanan..rezki tah tu..:D

Foodie Pictures :D

2009-07-21T13:11:00.005+01:00

I am not an amazing cook. I am not sure if deserve the title of being a good cook. the pokok of my point is that I am new at this whole thing. I did have 3 years of practice run when my mom was in Brisbane, but hehe that was nothing. I honestly pity my dad for having such an inexperience 'chef' like me to prepare his brekkie, lunch & dinner for three long years. He lost a lot of weight during that time..hehe sorry dad. Haha i still remember my dad complaining to me that hahha i kept cooking his veggies with the same perencah sambal yg di jual dalam packets. I was kinda annoyed back then and told him, 'baik jua ku memasak babah ani..kalau bukan aku, siapa tah lagi kan masak?'. The thing is despite having a maid at that time, my dad does not eat masakan org lain esp. our maids. Lain lah cerita if di restaurant, nada jua masuk akal tu if kan memilih siapa memasak and all. :p

Anyways, masa d uk, all i masak hahaha are noodles..indo mee, maggi kari, bihun tom yom, kimchi etc. this cause my flatmates to call me 'noodle queen' hehe if not noodles, i masak nasi. I don't know why but carbs seems to annoy these silly orang putehs. hmm..jealous kali durang. nyaman kali ahh nasi ani, apatah lagi if digoreng kampung. yum yum :) kdg2 if rajin oven-baked some chips or a fake chicken steak/ a Quorn chicken slice, makan tah tu for blunch which is a late lunch which also includes breakfast. :D

Sometimes bila rajin, i made buttermilk Quorn (<--) or lemon Quorn. Akhir2, kan balik Brunei, barutah dtg terseliurnya kan makan Roti John. Nda plang as nyaman as di gerai tu, but okay lah.

Hehe i tried to make nasi lemak twice; nda brapa success. the first time too sweet and second time, terlalu banyak santan so its licak and just not that nice. I made curry jua once or twice but hehe paling menjadi masa buat dgn Zee when she came over. Nyaman kan Zee? :D thank you the very much for bawakan ayam ah..:)

OMG-- i hampir lupa hahha one of the most essential thing in my diet dsana: Hummus :D . Gila, i could eat tubs and tubs of it without rasa kan muntah. It is so nyaman and cheap and bari menganyangkan..ahhhh Hummus. Tapi haha jgn d makan waktu kn ada lecture because Hummus ani bagi byk gas...u know lah what's going to follow after that kan? :p and No, im not speaking from xperience :p..

They don't have kueh tiaw ahhh sob sob jadinya have to make do with mee hoon~ okay lah but not as nice and thick as kueh tiaw.. this pic (-->) is my sweet & spicy mee hoon with heee talur goreng..i love talur..:D..

I miss baking masa d sana even though my flatmate ada ajar buat italian bread. hehehe sioooook..kneading the dough and stuffs, feel like a Nigella. :p

bah adangtah byk sudah ku post dlm sehari ani..knapa tia..tsk tsk tsk..:D

pizza cravings

2009-07-21T04:17:00.003+01:00

I'm soooooooooooo hungry.

The last thing i ate was a small packet of Hello Panda. Heee and that was around 7 plus in the morning. :)

i just ask my maid to masak kn indo mie n egg omelette..yes it's pretty unhealthy but whatev, i will and i am going to put it into my mouth n digest it. :p

tbh what i dream of eating at this very moment is pizza :). a huge cheese n tomato pizza from Domino's or a margerita ( i suck bravisly at spelling) from pizza express. yum yum..yes, Pizza Hut will do but here's the thing: i think eating pizza on your own is a bit sad. I did it beforehand, many times but still, a Pizza is a party food to share. not the loner's solution to comfort.

okay, need to eat.

2009-07-21T03:38:00.004+01:00

We missed out on Galway music scene because of stupid camping. blergh. I am not going camping again unless i have a warm body to hug in the darkness and coldness of the night. hahaha..my tahap kecapi-an makin meninggi nowadays tsk tsk tsk. anyways, after we traced the giant's footstep arh Giant's Causeway, we decided to call it a night & stay arh this hostel that we booked earlier call Sheep's castle hostel i think :D it is located on this small town near the Carrick-a-reed tightrope. For dinner and entertainment wise, we decided to venture into the small town and mix with the locals, per say. Felix feeling quite adventurous decided to give the Irish stew a try...it doesn't look as bad as stew soundsl like. Robert as usual go for the platter grill and I ate something seafood. I don't remember it now but I rather eat Spoon's version of it.

These two men set up their instruments, just after we arrived and play a medley of wonderful Irish songs. :) i' m glad...i don't think our trip would be complete without hearing these traditional treasures..and its pretty cool that almost all the locals were singing along..hehe we only sang along to the 'Wild rover' song because its easy to remember..:D

Here's the lyric to 'Wild rover', courtesy of ireland information website:

I've been a wild rover for many a year
And I spent all my money on whiskey and beer,
And now I'm returning with gold in great store
And I never will play the wild rover no more.
chorus: And it's no, nay, never,
No nay never no more,
Will I play the wild rover
No never no more.

I went to an ale-house I used to frequent
And I told the landlady my money was spent.
I asked her for credit, she answered me "nay
Such a custom as yours I could have any day."

chorus

I took from my pocket ten sovereigns bright
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight.
She said "I have whiskey and wines of the best
And the words that I spoke sure were only in jest."

chorus

I'll go home to my parents, confess what I've done
And I'll ask them to pardon their prodigal son.
And if they caress (forgive) me as ofttimes before
Sure I never will play the wild rover no more.

chorus

p/s: oh i just decided i want to marry an Irish Fir :p (stupid 'p/s: i love you' tsk tsk tsk)

Outline of my Irish roadtrip :)

2009-07-21T03:20:00.002+01:00

We spent about 3 nights @ Cork. Then drive down to Blarney castle to kiss the rock of elocution ( screw how i spell it) and yes, i had my first kiss with a rock. whopee dee doo...how awesome :P

Afterwards, we drove down to Bantry because a. we were kinda lost despite having the gps in the car b. we needed internet since some people just have to camp. blah.

Then off to Dingle bay and i think we ended up at Castle Island at the end of our first day on the road. this is only after our failed attempt to set up camp against the strong, cold winds at an abandoned caravan park in a secluded place near the beach. whopee dee doo heee..for more info, please check out my multiply page.

Can you imagine how far that is? To drive down in a day with one or two stops only, from Cork to Castle island near Tralee? Felix is one patient and fast driver esp. since we are not familiar with the Irish highway yet. Thank God, the next day, we decided to miss out going thru Limerick by getting a ferry across to Shannon directly. Tbh, I would love to go to Limerick. Just because i think Frank McCourt mentioned that place in his books and Limerick reminds me of limerick, which is a kind of poetry form which is like a sing-song.Look it up, if whatever i said, interests you. or not. :p

I so will try to get another map of this beautiful island. I love Ireland.

Journalistic ambitions :D is there such word?

2009-07-21T03:04:00.006+01:00

There is something to be said about my interest in journalism. It is the one thing that keeps me going through the difficult years of high school/college. Apart from sketching fashion designs, writing for the school paper gives me a sense of purpose and inspiration. Journalism, to me like English, is so diverse and thus opens up a lot of opportunities for those who work for it. Though I have not produced serious articles before, it does not mean that I couldn’t write such articles. Yes, most of the time I am just reporting ongoing events around the school. I was a reporter, not so a freelance journalist. I will have a lot to edit and I do not mind it at all. But sometimes I do wonder where is the boundary that prevents an editor from changing too much or rephrasing too much the core idea of the journalist in their work? I was and still am afraid of putting too much of myself in it and thus reducing the essence of the respective journalist in their articles.

Maybe I am a romantic, but I do believe that every work written and handed-in by journalists carries with them their own specific style and self. No matter how small/short the article is, it is the duty of editors to refine it without erasing the voice that comes with it.

Journalism, to me, shares an interdependent relationship with Truth. It is that yearning to find Truth that motivates journalists to pursue their subject and ‘expose’ them to the public. This Truth also depends on journalism to popularise it, to make it seems approachable yet distant.

With journalism, comes Drama which really taints Truth and leads to Exaggeration. But not all section of journalism needs Drama, there are some Truths or ‘news’ that do not need it to be sensational. Sensationalised pieces usually cover the stories of celebrities and the fact that they are just human like us.

I bet when either Paris or Britney was pictured without their panties on, there were about fifty women around that area without that particular piece of undergarments on. The fact is that it happens; some people no matter how ridiculous it is do not like to wear undergarments. It is just that, because these two figures are celebrities, this known reality is sensationalised. ( lol this paragraph seems silly). I mean yes it is pretty silly to not wear your panties when you know there’s hundreds of paparazzi waiting to snap away every little piece of your skin. But at the end of the day is it is a question of having morals and etiquette as a journalist.

I am not sure if it is right to dismiss paparazzi as nothing but greedy, selfish group of people who does not deserve the label of being journalists. I think of them like that though...they are ready to risk their lives and others just to get that 1K picture of certain celebs. It is the price that these people pay when they decided to pursue their Hollywood dream.

Anyhow, I applied to a post as a journalist with the upcoming student newspaper in my University despite wanting to have the title of a Sub-editor. I like editing but I like to see my article printed on the paper more. Hehe i had a very informal interview with the editor of the section I was applying to ;) and to be honest, I wasn’t prepared at all. I woke up late, got a call from the editor asking me whether I have read the email he sent me earlier, got treated to lunch by Laura and grabbed a newspaper to prepare for the interview. Hahahah i was panicking like mental..but it turned out well..

Martin is so friendly and his CV is so impressive—it scares the hell out of me. I was given a task of writing a short article on something current that interests me and email it to him within 3 days. I love doing research but the process of eventually writing it down sucks. This is sadly also applicable to my essays..practice babe practice..arghh. after a number of discussions with Laura, I handed in my article which touches upon how the recession becomes a reason for universities to increase tuition fees and bla bla bla. I am actually amazed that in the UK, If u flee the country whilst still in debt as a result of your student loans and such, you don’t get hunted down or black-listed instead you are cleared off the debt. Wow...hehe that is what Laura and some other people told me.

I mentioned in my article that International students are expected to pay more following the recessions which is really shit because even before that, it is a known fact that international students always pay more than locals. Is not it enough that we have to pay our way to the UK? That we got to pay visa and etc? Tsk tsk tsk greedy universities...let’s just hope we get back what we paid for.

on that note: i envy people who get paid to talk about their normal lives. boo you lucky individuals whose perception are apparently worth paying for. blah.

p/s: i have no idea how my 'on-that-note' links with the last paragraph but yea :p hee..that's nothing new when one is talking about me. i just rant on and on and everything is pretty fragmented -- thus the reason why i haven't got a freaking first for my essay. blah.

i am not karit ( well depends on who u are :p) and thus i share

2009-07-21T02:56:00.002+01:00

This is the list of things I apparently thought i could do or achieve or whatever within my summer break. I wrote this during the week I just came back. Whopee dee doo, such expectations. I should know better, it's Brighton and Portsmouth all over again. Oh well, at least, I did come up with a list.

BRUNEI TO-DO LIST
- Get the International Student Youth Card from Anthony’s Travel Agency
- Get fit – jog, gym & rock-climbing
- Learn how to drive –
- Learn how to swim
- Email BSU balik about my transportation to University Campus claims
- Bead my baju kurungs
- Learn how to golf
- Learn how to play squash
- Make biscuits & bake cakes – practice run
- Learn how to cook – more Asian
- Service my computer
- Foot Spa & Massage
- READ 1/3 OF MY TEXTS: D
- Eat more veggies – introducing permanent features of my everyday diet now: cherry tomatoes & celery
- Eat less carbs i.e. noodles & rice
- Sushi excapades, Capers & Ahan Thai sessions with my friends
- Read as many as crap romantic stories as I can until I puked :p
- Manage my savings – 50 pounds in both my IBB Account & HSBC Brunei account
- Hang-out @ Bandar i.e. Jadi tourist tah kitani nyamu...boat trip to see the ambuks, royal regalia, pasar kianggeh & pusat sejarah all over again: D
- Try the new Korean restaurant & the snow cone place
- Buat a basic thai silk baju kurong or a chiffon one – navy blue or black ( just coz I don’t think I have a baju kurong of that colour)

Cages mages, fickle-ish dandy-doo :p

2009-07-21T02:13:00.003+01:00

I deleted 3 of my previous post because they were pretty superficial, in a way that the only reason i post them is because i have to post something which is pretty bad. notice that i keep repeating myself..whopee dee doo :).

I kinda like to talk about me. seriously, who doesn't? secretly everybody enjoy the limelight, they are just in plain denial ( stop denying, accept it). It is bad though and it is not encouraged by Islam to do so because it might result in unhealthy pride. Pride where we think we are better than others. Tbh, i only have this kind of mentality when I compare myself with those silly alcoholics orang puteh. I' m better than them in terms of morals but am I really? If I wear my headscarve and wear loose-fitting clothes, am i really better than the cleaveage-showing girl next to me with skin-tight tshirts? nope nope nope. there is no such thing anymore. dalam hati siapa tahu kan?

I am not saying i am a saint who does not ever cuss or wish bad things for some people. I am just saying that I am happy that i have enough discipline to not ever be tempted to sip the devil's piss or explore the sexual eagerness that is associated with being young adults who goes to university. hahaahaha the silly orang puteh yg suka makan babi somewhat have this perception that going to university means having active sexual life and just having the most fun spending all their parents money. oh wait..my bad, not their parents money, it is more of the taxpayers money. well done, ol' chap :D .

Let's not generalise that all orang puteh are like that. I've meet and seen people who work their ass off and read beyond what was expected, from the start. I feel so small whenever i talk with these people because they read sooooooo much more than I do. They make me feel so bad about myself and about my knowledge of literature. waaaaa....

University is certainly a bigger pool..oh wait, nope its a freaking ocean and i'm just a small fish from a small monarchy which is like Eden in comparison to other places in the world. It's a give and take world where in return for this and that, we are stripped off certain rights. but it's okay...one does not miss what one does not grow up with. I think this is also applicable to drinking. Lots of people ask me, how do you do it? ...i hate this question. Discipline, years and years of discipline and of course my Faith. If i don't have faith, it would be difficult but thank God i do have Faith.

It is between me and God. We all will have our own separate, special dialogue with God one day and it is the ultimate moment of truth. I'm kinda scared of death, even though, I did grow up thinking about death every single day as a reminder that I need to stop sinning. It is easy to sin, especially as a kid. I mean if you mengeluh when your parent ask you for this and that, that's already a sin. If you lie about something or exaggerate truth just to impress your friends - a sin. and yes, not fulfilling the 5 times a day prayers. Hahaha i remember we used to cheat whilst marking our individual prayer monitoring book, we put ticked indicating we pray even when we actually missed it because we are so scared of the Religious teacher. That was bad.

Anyways i'm so distracted now hehe I don't even remember now what i was talking about..tsk tsk tsk. i think i will end on the note that: my life is one of the dullest life anyone could have, it isn't bad, it's just pretty restricted. my parent are amazing despite their flaws, but sometimes i wish they could just trust me and let me take some risk in life. How would I learn, if you would not let me?. It ain't easy to raise four girls, I can see and understand that, but I'm nearly 20 and i seriously can say I don't know what it feels like to be 19. One would think i'm just 15, after hearing about the list of things that I can't do due to my parent reluctance to give me the green light.

argghh...thus it would be totally pointless to blog about my non-existing life which currently circulates around making other people happy but not me. i honestly need someone who would let me see that despite all mistakes, i still deserve to be appreciated and respected. and that it is okay for me to put my interests first. I don't intend to be a goody-two shoes, it's just that this is just how i am raised. I don't know anything different, other than feeling guilty everytime i buy something for myself. I need to accept that treating myself to somethings sometime is not selfish. It is just my way of showing myself a token of appreciation. Oh okay.. i so need to stop all this.